Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
It’s my turn to jump up to my feet. “Mom made you promise you’d move on.”
“Well, no one measures up,” Dad barks out, looking between us wildly. Like we’re ambushing him. That’s when the penny drops. He’s lonely. Lonely in rooms full of people.
At work, and parties, and vacations. His soul mate is gone. His only flashes of normalcy are my football moments.
Things that anchor him to his shared past with Mom. The good ol’ days.
Instead of my usual anger, I feel sad for him.
He never meant to suffocate me with expectations.
“Besides, what’s it to you?” Dad’s eyes narrow. “You should be happy I love your mom so much that I don’t jump back into the dating pool, catching every floating STD out there.” We should definitely put the pool analogies to bed.
“Loved,” I correct him quietly. “Loved, Dad. Mom’s gone.”
“It’s been four years.” Knight’s eyes are twinkling with tears. “We miss her so much, Dad. We do. But her legacy was making sure we’re happy. Fulfilled. Choosing life over grief isn’t betraying her—it is honoring her.”
“And your love for Mom was never put into question,” I add. “You paid your dues. We want to see you happy. Actually…”
This is my perfect in to tell him about my own hopes and dreams. How he is standing in the way to all of them.
The Air Force Academy is not in my cards for this year, but who knows? Maybe the next one.
Knight and Dad cock their heads, zeroing in on me.
“What?” they ask in unison. Knight gives me a don’t you fucking dare glare.
But I’m done living for other people.
“Actually, Dad, the fact that you put all of your happiness chips in our corner puts a lot of pressure on us. Well, on me. I…well, I hate football.”
He stares at me but doesn’t say anything. I think he knows.
I think he might have been actually paying attention the last few days.
“Despise it. As a game. As a concept. As a fucking hobby. And I mean…” I rub the back of my neck. “The Brits are right. Soccer is football. Football is…handball, I guess?”
“Very catchy,” Knight mutters.
Dad stares at me like I just announced I’m in love with the kitchen sink and we’re running to Vegas to elope.
“I’ve never liked it,” I continue. “I mean, yeah, in elementary and middle school it wasn’t so bad, and it brought the family together so I didn’t mind so much. But when it started getting serious…well, I only kept doing it because I knew it made you happy. That you liked coming to games and dreamed that one day I’d get drafted.”
The look on his face makes me want to vomit.
He is grief-stricken. Horrified.
“Look.” Knight steps between us, trying to diffuse the situation with a chuckle. “No harm done, okay? All Lev’s saying—”
“Bullshit.” Dad worms out of Knight’s embrace, stepping in my direction. He is deep in a trance. “You mean it, Levy? You really only played football because of me? Because Bailey told me I was clipping your wings the other day, but I figured she was just…” He licks his lips. “Overreacting.”
She wasn’t.
She was spot-on.
Dad believed what he wanted to believe.
I shrug helplessly, staring at my socked feet. “I love you. I wanted you to be happy. Playing football made you happy.”
“Fuck, how far were you going to take this?” He threads his fingers through his hair.
I think about it for a moment before walking over to my bedroom. When I return to the living room, Dad and Knight are exactly where I left them.
I hand Dad the letters of acceptance held together with a rubber band.
He snaps it off, sifting through them. “TCU. Michigan. Ohio State. Clemson. South Carolina. Holy shit…”
Knight turns his head to look at me in horror. I feel like a fraud. And supremely stupid.
What was God thinking, giving me this talent? Should’ve given it to Mitchell Schwartz.
Dad balls the letters in his fist. There are tears in his eyes.
“If Rosie were here, she’d kill me. What have I done?”
“Mom’s not here, so your secret’s safe with me.” I take a step toward him.
I’m not going to pretend everything is dandy, but there’s no need to be an ass about it, either. “Actually, I don’t know about Knight. He has a big mouth, he might spread the news.”
I tilt my head in my brother’s direction. The three of us chuckle. “The important thing is that I’m done chasing other people’s dreams. It’s time to chase mine. I’m going to become a fighter jet pilot.”
Dad doesn’t say a word, only pulls me into a hug. One where he uses all of his muscles, including the one in his chest.
One that says I’m sorry and I love you and I’m going to fix this, you’ll see.
I don’t expect him to, but I feel like six tons of deadweight just dropped off my back.