Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137433 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 687(@200wpm)___ 550(@250wpm)___ 458(@300wpm)
Not your circus, not your monkeys, Dixie.
Leave the kid alone; he’s dealing with enough.
Dean is going to kill you. Violently. Gradually. And eagerly.
Maybe I am ready for motherhood this time around. Because instead of thinking about the man I’m in love with, I think about his son, who I cannot bear to see sad.
And about his late wife, who brought me here to take care of her family. And that includes Lev.
Squeezing my eyes shut and turning my face from the screen, I click on the apply button.
When it’s all done and dealt with, I’m not even sorry for overstepping this red, shiny boundary.
The tension rolls off my shoulders.
The room becomes warmer, lighter. It’s a new dawn. At least for one Cole member.
When Rosie died, Dean’s heart died with her.
But Lev? Lev can still live.
Present
I find Lev in the backyard, working on one of his many RC planes. He’s flying it, making impressive loops, nosediving, then picking it right up inches from the ground.
The kid has some serious skills, and I’m mad at Dean for overlooking them all these years.
I still haven’t spoken to Dean since he walked out on me. I have nothing to say to him, actually. I came here for Lev.
Pushing the back door to the Coles’ patio open, I close it silently behind me and wait until Lev notices my presence.
With his back to me, he asks, “How’d you get in, Dixie?”
“Your dad gave me the key back when my apartment got repainted.” A blush creeps up my cheeks. I could’ve waited with the paint job. But I had wanted an excuse to lodge here, hoping it would bring me closer to Dean. In reality, we only drifted further apart. His uncanny ability to see through me, like I’m air, wounded me beyond words.
I’m starting to come to terms with what Dean told me three years ago, the first time I drunkenly almost kissed him, only a year after Rosie died.
“Don’t waste your breath and hopes on someone like me, Dixie. I’ll never be yours. I can be your friend. But never ever your partner.”
Sticking around was a mistake. I thought he’d change his mind. Figured we were bound to have some sort of a relationship, anyway, because of Knight.
Back in reality, Lev uses his remote to shoot the RC high up in the sky, then have it loop around three times in perfect circles. His eyes are laser focused on it, not me. “Figures. Dad’s not here.”
“I’m not here for your father.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“How is Bailey feeling?”
Lev shrugs. “Dead-ish.”
“Lev.”
He lands the small airplane safely on the manicured lawn, sets his remote down, and turns to look at me. “She’s in a medically induced coma. They’re not sure when they’re going to bring her back. And they aren’t sure what she’s coming back to. Like, they don’t know if there’s any neurological or intellectual damage or whatever. Oh, and her leg is apparently fucked forever or something.” He pauses. “Just as well she’s in a coma, since I have nothing to say to her.”
I’ve never seen him behave this way. So lethargic and yet angry at the same time.
“You’re at the hospital twenty hours a day,” I point out. “You don’t even go to school.”
“I don’t want her dead, yeah, but…I’m pissed.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I’m still stuck somewhere between I’m so fucking glad you’re alive, and by the way, extremely in love with you to I hate your guts for what you’re putting everyone through. You know?”
I do. I know better than he can ever imagine. I plop on the edge of the hand-carved white wooden swing Rosie left behind. Her favorite reading spot.
It is strange to be so familiar with the possessions of a woman who is no longer with us, but strangely enough, I miss her every day. I am so grateful that she gave Knight the life I couldn’t give to him at the time. All through fighting her own battle.
She was the one who called me into Todos Santos. It was as though she was putting placeholders in her loved ones’ lives.
And what do you know? I fell in love with her entire world. Dean. Knight. And…yes, Lev too.
Guess Rosie LeBlanc had a talent for making the men in her life extremely easy to love.
Lev stares at me sitting in his mother’s spot. For a moment, I think he is going to bark at me to get up and leave. But he takes a deep breath and joins me. My shoulders sag with relief.
“How do you feel about missing the Air Force Academy deadline?” I ask tentatively.
He tugs at his bottom lip, scowling at the grass. “Doesn’t fucking matter, does it? I have bigger fish to fry.”
“Like what?”
“Bailey,” he says. “I know Dad says he is fine if I go—this does me little good now that I missed the deadline—but if she…when she wakes up, I still have to take care of her.”