Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 57188 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57188 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
My heart pounded in my chest and I knew that for as long as I lived, I would never, ever forget that look on her face. I made her feel worse than shitty, worse than worthless like her parents. I made her feel like… “Fuck!”
I screwed up. Badly. Again.
This time I’m positive she will never forgive me.
I felt the loss instantly and my chest collapsed on itself. My focus went to shit for the rest of the day.
Chapter 24
Toni
Enough is enough, Toni. Get your shit together.
I had the same pep talk with myself every morning for the past few days as I stared at puffy red eyes in the mirror, a sad expression and lifeless eyes. I cried a little, okay, I cried a lot for the first couple of days after Brady accused me of whoring myself out for gifts. I cried because once again I thought he was a nice guy who was scarred or wary after a few bad experiences.
Once again, I was wrong. He wasn’t scarred, he was just an asshole.
Now that I knew who Brady really was—another rich prick—I could move on with my life. Today was Friday and I had the whole weekend ahead of me to wipe away all traces of the hot nerdy asshole.
As soon as Brady walked in the door, I hugged Layla goodbye and made her promise to be a good girl for her uncle and then I went to my apartment where I enjoyed a body scrub and then a long, hot bath. I scrubbed my skin raw to remove the scent of him from my flesh. I rubbed until I could no longer feel his hands on my body.
Two hours later I felt clean and refreshed and ready to be out amongst the people, but not exactly on a solo mission tonight so I picked up my phone and called a friend. “Molly, hey. It’s Toni. You up for drinks tonight? On me?”
She let out a heavy sigh followed by a harsh laugh. “Well I guess that does sound better than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Netflix on my cousin’s sofa. When and where?”
An hour later Molly walked into The Happy Heifer looking as if her week was just as shitty as mine. I waved her down with one hand and poured a tall glass of beer for her. “Rough week?”
She nodded and accepted the beer with a tired smile. “You could say that. my employer’s new girlfriend thinks my curves are too tempting and they let me go.”
“Insecure bitch,” I growled and flagged down the waiter for shots. “I’m sorry that happened, Mols.”
She sighed and scrubbed a hand over her face. “It’s fine, really. I mean, it pisses me off but it’s not like this is the first time and it probably won’t be the last.”
“It’s bullshit, you know that right?” I shook my head, so fucking sick of this stupid mentality. “Your body is gorgeous. Women go under the knife to get what you have naturally and having curves doesn’t make you slutty or easy or any of that shit,” I growled.
“I know but thank you for saying it out loud, Toni.” Molly was a sweetheart, which normally would piss me off but just like Lucy it was so genuine it was hard to dislike her. “Why are you drinking tonight?”
I sighed and raised my shot high in the air, knocking it back without a toast. “I don’t wanna talk about it but let’s just say that men suck.” Even saying that much about it just brought back all the things I was trying like hell not to think about. But the dark look on Brady’s face when he spit those hateful words at me? Top five things I’ll never forget. But tonight wasn’t a night to think about it so I let out a heavy sigh and shook off my feelings. “Do you think I’m a difficult woman?”
Molly blinked in surprise as if she didn’t want to answer but then she did something people rarely do, she thought about it before she answered. “No. I think you’re great and I wish I had even half of your confidence and courage. People don’t mess with you because you just seem like you’ll kick their ass and that’s enough. Most of the time I don’t even know who I am.”
I flagged down the waiter for more shots as Molly’s words sank in. “Knowing who you are and being yourself isn’t always everything it’s cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, I like myself just fine. No, scratch that, I love myself, but sometimes I wonder if I’m paying too heavy a price for being myself.” It was something I never admitted out loud but often wondered about.
“Toni,” Molly growled with more ferocity than I knew she was capable of. “The price of not being yourself and being miserable? That price is too high. I’ve twisted myself into knots and been who I was supposed to be and what did it get me? Nothing. At least you haven’t given up yourself to still not be enough for other people.”