Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61199 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 306(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61199 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 306(@200wpm)___ 245(@250wpm)___ 204(@300wpm)
She didn’t leave me.
I rushed around the rest of the house, even to my office and the gym, place she never used even though I told her she was welcome to them. She wasn’t in the kitchen either, which left one last place.
I took the stairs to the roof two at a time, going as fast as I could in my desperation to see her. “Sasha.” There she was, still in that beautiful white wedding dress, sitting with her legs folded in front of her, a burgundy linen napkin tucked into the top as she ate a taco and washed it down with champagne. “You’re still here.”
She looked up at me with a blank expression on her face, the evidence of her tears were still present and I felt like an asshole. “Of course, I am. We’re married. For the next two years anyway. What are you doing here?”
I shrugged, daring to move closer. “I live here.”
“Right.” She turned back to the taco, savoring the last two bites before she reached for the bottle of champagne and took several big gulps. Sasha unwrapped another taco and ate it slowly, sipping more champagne between bites.
She’s here, I reminded myself. She didn’t leave which was good. It was perfect, exactly what I wanted. Then why the fuck was I still so nervous? Because she matters, my brain answered the completely rhetorical question. “Sasha, I’m sorry.”
She shook her head while she chewed. “Don’t be.” She shook her head again and swallowed. “The apartment is a good idea. As long as you’re discreet then this won’t have been for nothing.” She didn’t look at me but the thready nature of her voice told me she didn’t mean what she was saying.
“Bullshit.”
Her brows furrowed but still her blue gaze remained firmly fixed on the new taco in her hand. “Excuse me?”
“I said bullshit. You don’t think the apartment is a good idea. In fact, I’d say you think it’s a terrible idea.”
Sasha shrugged. “Luckily for me, it doesn’t matter what I think about it.”
I dropped down on my haunches and plucked the taco and then the champagne from her hands, holding them in mine. “What if I wanted it to matter what you think?”
She sighed, trying to pull her hands free of mine but I held her tighter. “It doesn’t. I heard everything and I apologize. I shouldn’t have gotten upset. I had no right.”
Dammit, I was losing her. “I wish you hadn’t heard Jack saying all that shit,” I told her, rubbing my thumbs against the soft flesh pulsing inside her wrist. “More than that, I wish I’d told Jack to shut the fuck up and for that Sasha, I’m sorrier than you know.”
She tried to pull away again, growling low in her throat when I refused to release her. “You are who are you, Alex. Your life is yours to live as you see fit but I think it’ll be easier for both of us if we just keep things platonic when we’re not in public.”
“No, that’s not what I want. Not at all. Will that be easier for you, because it sure as shit won’t be easier for me.”
This time she yanked her arms free with enough force she fell against the back of the sofa, before scrambling to her feet and putting some distance between us. “Yes Alex, it will be easier for me. This, what we’re doing, it’s madness. It’s confusing and I’m the only one going to get hurt, so yes it will be easier.”
I stood and removed the tuxedo jacket, flinging it absently on the chair behind me. “You’re so sure you’ll be the one hurt.” Her words pierced my heart and I realized that I hadn’t done a good job at all of telling or showing her how I felt about her.
“Yes. I am because it’s already started and it’s my own fault.” She shook her head and turned away from me. “It’s not your fault, Alex. It’s mine. I’m not cut out for this, sleeping with you and living with you and then pretending we’re in a relationship. I can’t do it.”
“Neither can I, Sasha.”
She turned, a question in her glistening blue gaze that she quickly covered with a blank expression and a nod. “Good. Then we’re in agreement.”
“No, we’re not.” I closed the distance between us and laid my hands on her shoulders, sliding them up her slender neck until my fingers were tangled in her curls. “I don’t want to pretend, Sasha. Not anymore. Not with you.”
She winced at my words and stepped back. “I understand,” she said softly and looked away. “And Dixie? Will you still need me to be her nanny?”
My jaw clenched. “Are you listening to me at all?”
Her brows knitted in confusion but she said nothing.
“I’m standing here telling you that I don’t want to keep pretending our relationship is real and you’re worried about your job?” I shook my head. “This is un-fucking-believable, Sash. I’m trying to tell you how I feel about you, that I’m stupidly in love with you and you’re talking about nanny shit.” It was my turn to pace.