Total pages in book: 46
Estimated words: 45063 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 225(@200wpm)___ 180(@250wpm)___ 150(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45063 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 225(@200wpm)___ 180(@250wpm)___ 150(@300wpm)
Bryson loves Harper. Harper loves Bryson.
I study the love hearts, and then I flip the page, reading his name again and again.
This is reason enough for Bryson to want to back off.
He mentioned the age gap as though it was a problem, and I did my best to convince him I’m mature enough to make a decision about my future and my relationships.
I believe I am. I know I am.
What would he think if he saw this notebook and knew about my crush?
I sit up in bed, open the book down the middle, gripping both sides tightly, and get ready to tear it in half. I should’ve done this a long time ago, obliterated any evidence of my silly girlish crush, and pushed it deep in my mind where I’d never have to think about it.
But something stops me. It’s like the girl is yelling inside me, telling me no.
The fantasy is too special. The dream is too important.
It’s more than I’ll ever get in real life, but he seemed jealous when he asked about the podcast, like he wished he was my unrequited
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Bryson
Driving home, I know I made a mistake allowing my jealousy to spiral until it burst out of my lips. It was when she said some men wouldn’t find her figure attractive. The thought of any man having an opinion of her figure is sickening enough to bring out the beast. She said she didn’t want to talk about it, then left.
Maybe she was picturing this other man, whoever he is. It was enough to send her running, but earlier, she wanted to know what she and I were doing together.
It was as if she wanted more than the lust-filled clashing of our bodies, more than bending over as I guide my manhood to…
Enough. I stamp on the thought before it can possess me like a demon. Instead, I think about the date we sort of arranged, wondering if she’ll want to do it after the way we ended things.
I can still taste her on my lips, and that is reason enough to be with her again, to get as close to her as I can, to spend as much time with her as she’ll let me.
If there’s another man lurking in the background, I know I have to stop.
Hell, there is another man. Adam.
He’s reason enough to end this now.
At the house, Adam sits at the table, sipping coffee and doing a crossword. He looks up sharply when I enter, his eyes pitted, his cheeks sunken. He’s wearing a hoodie that somehow makes him look smaller.
“I thought you were in your room,” he says. “I’ve been sneaking around.”
I shake my head and open my mouth, unsure of what to say. Then he turns back to his crossword, and I realize he doesn’t want an answer.
“How’s it going?” I ask.
“Eva and I used to do these together,” he says. “It’s not as fun on my own.”
“Want some help?”
He shrugs. I can feel the grief emanating from him, and I can also feel his little sister’s lips on mine, and my palm is still tingling from where I touched her thigh.
My brain knows I’m doing the worst thing a man can do to his best friend, but that doesn’t stop my seed from roaring out for Harper every moment, immune to reason, not caring about the pain I’ll cause.
Sitting at the table, I wait for Adam to speak.
“She talked about you at the end,” he says after a pause. “Eva.”
My body goes tight, my fists clenching as his words hammer into me.
“She said she wished you were there, so she could say goodbye properly.”
“I’m sorry,” I say softly.
He snaps his gaze to me, staring with bloodshot eyes. The lights are turned down low, making everything eerie.
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s what she wanted, and I understood it. You meant a lot to her.”
“I’m sorry for all of it. I’m sorry it happened. I’m sorry it happened that way. I’m sorry…”
For what I did tonight. For what I still want to do.
“She knows why I sent you away, but she didn’t agree with me. She wanted you to stay. She wanted us to work it out. I was just so determined it was the right thing to do. Now I wonder, what if you’d stayed? Maybe we could’ve made it work. It wouldn’t have been… normal. I know that, but there might’ve been a chance.”
I swallow a big lump, knowing I can’t take anything he says too seriously. Treating his words like a solid commitment would be unfair, as though he’s giving me permission.
It would be unfair…
But all of this is unfair.
“You did what any man would do in your position,” I say, reaching over and squeezing his shoulder. “No, that’s not right. You were kinder. Most men would have swung on me or slandered me publicly. Most men would’ve done everything in their power to ruin me.”