Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85608 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
“That was about Robert.”
“Was it?” he demanded. “Because I remember him laying me flat on my ass.”
“You said that didn’t happen.”
He shot me a look that said he was putting aside his pride here. “We both know Robert punched me flat on my ass. And what happened when I came asking for more? You bolted.”
“I mean … yes, but I didn’t want to come between friends and …”
“I get you had your reasons, but from my point of view, it was like a sucker punch. I let you go. I never stopped thinking about you, but what could I do half a country away? But then you were back.” He blew out a breath. “Can you imagine what I was thinking? How much I wanted to make it work this time and not scare you off? It was as delicate as threading a needle, and I was a fucking wrecking ball.”
I bit my lip as I tried not to grin at his mixed metaphor. “It still doesn’t explain you being here.”
“Well, I came up with the insane idea that if you thought none of this was serious, then you’d go with it. We’d joked before. We’d played wingman so many times that I couldn’t count. What would a new game be to you? And if, in the meantime, I could make you fall for me, then I’d win.” He met my gaze with his sincere eyes. “But I was always a hundred percent in, Whit.”
I could barely breathe at those words. All this time that I’d been wondering if it was real, he was telling me … it had been real for him all along.
“The only one who needed convincing was … me?”
He nodded. “You were the only one who didn’t know. Katherine gave me a good, long talking-to about making sure I took care of you so you wouldn’t bolt. And look … I fucked that up too.”
I was still reeling.
My mind was a map of memories. I plotted every step of our relationship that had ended up at this very moment in Central Park. I’d thought that I was calling the shots. All along, I’d been on Gavin’s trajectory. He’d been leading me exactly where he wanted to be. He’d been the mastermind of our fate.
And I … I liked it.
I liked that he knew me well enough to know that I needed leading. That I would have left at the first sign that he wanted me as bad as he said he did. I’d laughed at Robert for the sheer audacity. And here Gavin was, saying that it had all been exactly right.
“You really planned this all out?” I asked, still in disbelief.
“I’d say I regret it, but for ninety-nine percent of it, it was perfect. All up until I flubbed the ending.”
“I think we both did.”
“Well, you weren’t planning any of this,” he said solemnly, looking at his feet. “The real problem was how I reacted about Safia.”
I winced and stepped back. Safia. His words from yesterday still cut deep. He wasn’t wrong that I should have told him what had happened, but was the trust there if neither of us had been able to have that conversation?
Gavin pressed forward, following me in that step I’d taken. “It’s not that Safia showed up. It’s that I should have been there for you instead of confronting you about her in the worst possible moment.” He ran a hand back through his hair. “I already knew that nothing happened with Safia when I confronted you about it. She told me that I won.”
“She did what?” I gasped.
“Yeah. When she realized who I was, she told me that I won. But I kept expecting for you to tell me about it. To let me in on the secret, you know? If we were past the point of being fake, then you’d confide in me the hard things too. But you never did.”
He clenched his hands into fists. I could see the anger still right on the surface of everything. The months of unspoken words left between us. And how, right now, they were coming to bear fruit.
“I should have told you,” I whispered. “It was stupid.”
He nodded. Satisfied that I’d admitted to being in the wrong as well. “I thought that you didn’t trust me. And somehow, that became more important than anything else in the world.”
“I didn’t trust you.” The admission pained me beyond belief. And I could see the grief on Gavin’s face mirroring mine. “I should have, but I … I was so worried.”
“About what?” he demanded. “What could you possibly fear from me?”
“That you’d never forgive me for seeing her.”
He laughed once, as if he couldn’t believe it. “Why? Whitley, you know me!”
“I know.” I shook my head. “But part of it wasn’t even about you. It was … this was why I’d left Safi. Her ex showed up at my apartment, and I assumed the worst and kicked Safia out. I’d ruined the whole thing over her ex showing up without even proof that anything had happened because I didn’t trust her. Then, I assumed you wouldn’t trust me.”