Total pages in book: 230
Estimated words: 217798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1089(@200wpm)___ 871(@250wpm)___ 726(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 217798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1089(@200wpm)___ 871(@250wpm)___ 726(@300wpm)
“No, I don’t want to see my sister hurt. I also don’t want my sister to walk away from a good man just because she has reservations. I just think you should hear him out. Talk to him.”
“We’ll see.” I bit my lip. “Like you said, I have to see him tomorrow anyway.”
CHAPTER 29
Pilar
Sunday dinner was awkward for me. When the trumpets sounded out, and Benjamin Drake was presented, I didn’t even look in that direction. In fact, I looked in the complete opposite one. I was trying to do as my brother had said. I was attempting to remember that Ben was human like the rest of us, and he had been trying to get ahold of me. I was attempting to not be upset about the fact that he’d hidden a son from me and an entire past that I should have been privy to. Why, though? Why should I have been privy to it? Because I was in love with him? I gasped inwardly. Was I in love with him? Instead of joining the crowd the way I normally did, I walked outside. Today’s Sunday dinner was being held at Versailles. Quite fitting for a gossip mill. As I walked the grand halls and took the stairs quickly, I couldn’t help but think about how many of my ancestors had suffered the same fate of trying to escape being the talk of the party. How many of them had run outside for fresh air to escape a lover’s presence in Court?
It didn’t matter. Unlike them, I didn’t have an obligation to be here. I was here because it was my brother’s first Sunday dinner, and Adeline had asked me to come. I was here because without this, I’d probably be in bed moping. And honestly, I needed to face Benjamin sooner rather than later. I just really, really didn’t want to face him at all. I knew the moment I stood in front of him, I’d crumble. My heart would give in to his charms and good looks, and I’d bend to his will. But I couldn’t. It was more than just the omission. I honest to God didn’t think I could be with a father. A single dad. My heart broke even thinking about it. Not that he was a single father. I respected that, but I wasn’t ready for what that would entail for me.
I was lost in thought and had reached the entrance to the labyrinth when I heard movement from behind me.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I braced myself to face him. When I did, I realized that I hadn’t prepared myself enough. I swallowed as he looked at me with a wariness I’d never seen on his face.
“I’ve been calling.”
“I know.”
“I’ve texted.”
“I know.”
“I miss you.”
That one broke me. I swallowed again. “I’m mad at you.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so terribly sorry.” He reached for me. I pulled away, taking a step back.
“I’m not… I don’t think I’m ready for this.” I closed my eyes briefly. When I opened them again, he was just staring at me, the timidity turning to sadness.
“Because I have a son.” He swallowed. I nodded.
“I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me.” He let out a laugh, raking his fingers through his curls. I wished so much that things were different so I could touch him. “I should have told you.”
“You didn’t think we were serious.”
“Not in the beginning, but then…” He turned his face and stared off into the distance, the trees and land he could get lost in so easily.
“Then what?” I stepped forward.
“Then something happened. Something clicked.” He shook his head, smiling over at me.
“Maybe it was too late when it happened. Perhaps I should have seen it sooner.” He blinked, looking away again. “I guess it doesn’t matter under the circumstances.”
“I guess not,” I whispered. My chest hurt as if my heart were hanging on by a string.
“Would things be different if I had told you?”
I bit my lip, shaking my head. “I don’t think so.”
“You’re just not ready,” he said with a nod as if understanding. “I wasn’t either. I still don’t know that I am. Parenthood is a funny thing.”
“But he’s yours, so you handle it.”
“Exactly.”
“I wish I wasn’t so immature,” I said over the knot in my throat.
“You’re not immature, Pilar.” He reached for me again. This time, I let him hold my hand in his even though his touch made me feel like I might break. “Not everyone is ready for this kind of commitment.”
“I wish I was though.”
“So do I.” He squeezed my hand. “We had a good run though, yeah?”
“A very good run.” There was no use trying to stop the tears from flowing down my face now. “I guess it was always supposed to come to an end.”
“Maybe.” He was trying to be empathetic, but I could tell he was just agreeing with me for the sake of agreeing. I cried harder, hating that I knew that about him. Instead of letting go of my hand, he pulled me into his arms and held me, setting his chin on my head and exhaling.