Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 117752 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 393(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117752 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 393(@300wpm)
The rehab center had been weaning them off him, but it was a slow process so his blood pressure and heart could be monitored. Each week, the amounts would decrease until he had the willpower to not depend on it. Only someone who had gone through it themselves would be able to understand with hindsight. Calder still remembered the agony of wanting the drugs that had become the only friend he had left.
He shook his head at himself. If he hadn’t gotten caught and been forced into rehab, he would have still been using. It was only when his ass had been locked up for a couple of years had he kicked his dependency. Now he would take a loaded gun to his head before doing them again.
Gavin might have become dependent on them because the Road Demons had used every means possible to keep him under control through years of captivity and abuse, but it wasn’t the club who kept him prisoner now; it was the drugs. They had taken control, and unless Gavin realized which enemy he was fighting, The Last Riders would soon be burying him.
Calder got up and went into Gavin’s room, silently opening the door, not wanting to disturb him if he was sleeping. He wasn’t. He was staring at a picture on the wall.
“Why didn’t Peyton include you in the picture?” Calder asked, sitting down beside him on the bed.
“I told her not to.”
Calder stared at the men in the painting. Once a week, each of them visited Gavin. Viper came once during the middle of the week, and then again on Sundays when he would bring Winter and their daughter, Aisha.
“It’s hard to see them so happy while your life is in the toilet bowl.”
“I’m glad they’re happy.”
“You’re jealous as fuck.” Calder wryly shook his head. “Stud sent me letters with pictures when I was in prison. I ripped most of them into shreds. I didn’t want to see Stud so happy while I was so miserable. It’s not The Last Riders you’re in here for any more than Stud was responsible for me.”
“I only blame four people: Memphis, Crash, Vincent Bedford, and myself. I was a naïve fool.”
“You weren’t naïve. You were a grown man who had served your country and thought that you could handle yourself. Damn, bro, two men you thought were brothers took you down. Nothing to be ashamed of there.”
Gavin’s face cracked in agony at his memories. “You don’t know the shit I did. If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting with me. None of them would be.” He pointed at the painting then let his hand drop to his side.
“Gavin, I told you, as your sponsor, anything you want to talk about, I won’t repeat. It’s just between me and you. I wouldn’t want anyone spilling the shit I did when I was using, and I willingly took that crap. You didn’t take it willingly. It won’t make it easier to bear what went down, but cut yourself a break here.”
“I went into the Navy to help people. To defend and protect the weak from others who would hurt them. I became what I fought against.”
“You might think that, but you didn’t. I’ve done time with hardcore felons. Do you think they’re sitting on their beds, slowly starving to death because they feel bad about their crimes? Fuck, most of them are planning what they’re going to do next when they get out and how to do it better without getting caught.”
“I should be locked up with them.”
“Will that make you feel better?”
“Yes. It’s where I deserve to be.”
Calder ran his hand along his jaw, thinking. “Why don’t we go about it this way? Let’s get you stronger, and you open up to me about why you think you deserve to go to jail. Then we’ll ask Diamond to come talk to you.”
At the mention of telling Knox’s wife, Gavin started shaking. “No!”
“You think the police will arrest you without you confessing to a crime, that a jury will convict you without hearing the charges? Even if you don’t want it, the court will appoint a lawyer for you… unless you’re going to defend yourself?”
Gavin ran his hands through his hair. “I have no defense.”
“You weren’t in your right mind. If you don’t want to talk to Diamond, that’s cool. We can find someone else to talk to. But I think that’s a mistake. Diamond is pretty cool, and as a lawyer, she won’t talk to Knox about anything you discuss with her.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“While you’re thinking about it, I’ll go ask your nurse for some more soup and another sandwich. While I’m doing that, when I come back, think of one thing that you want to tell me, and then we’ll go for a walk. How’s that sound?”