Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75871 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75871 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
“Colby! I didn’t expect you.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. His dick stirred a little. Physical attraction had never been a problem for him. It was all the other stuff.
“Decided to stop by on my way home,” he told her, running a hand through his hair.
She let him in, Colby closing the door behind him. She’d been hinting about marriage a lot more lately—or at least them moving in together while they worked toward marriage. He wanted Lulu to have the husband she deserved and the kids she wanted. He just wasn’t the man who could give them to her.
“You want something to drink?”
“No…I, um…need to talk to you for a moment.” He looked her in the eyes. He wasn’t a coward. If he was going to break her heart, at least he could be a man about it.
Concern creased her brow. “Is everything okay? Is it your family?”
He winced. She was the kind of person who cared about others, who would automatically be worried about Colby or his kin.
“They’re fine. Can we sit?”
She frowned, her expression saying she was starting to put the pieces together. They went to the kitchen table, Colby pulling out a chair for her to sit down before he sat beside her.
“Just say it, Colby,” she told him when he didn’t speak right away.
“I’m real sorry,” he started. “It’s not you. You’re great. I have so much fun with you. You’re everything I’m supposed to want, everything I want to want. I just think…hell. I think something’s wrong with me.”
“Are you gay? It’s okay if you are. Your family will accept you. They couldn’t be more supportive of Roe.”
That’s the thing… Colby had wondered if he could be gay, but he’d never looked at a guy and thought he wanted to hook up with him, and he did that with women. He liked having sex with women a whole lot, and maybe he would like it with men too, but he’d never tried. He could look at a man and see if he was an attractive guy, but it had never been more. The emotional stuff was just confusing for him.
“No. I’m not gay. I’m attracted to you, Lu. I’m attracted to other women too. I just don’t want the same things. I can’t seem to want to settle down. That’s not in the cards for me, and you want marriage and babies soon. I don’t want to hold you back.”
Her eyes pooled with tears. His heart felt like it was being ripped apart. Maybe he could keep trying. Maybe if he married Lulu, he would fall in love with her and want a real relationship with her, rather than just being in relationships because that’s what was expected of him. But then, how was that fair to her? How could he ask her to spend her life with someone who might never be in love with her the way she deserved?
“Maybe we can try a little longer…” she said, crying now. “Maybe you’re just not ready for marriage yet. I can wait.”
Fuck, he hated this. Hated himself. He reached over and took her hand. “You deserve more than to wait around on a man like me, more than to stay with someone who can’t give you the kind of love and life you deserve. You’re better than that, Lulu. Better than me. I won’t put you through that.”
Lulu cried harder, and Colby pulled her into his arms, hugged her and shushed her, told her he was sorry and it would be okay. That she would meet a man who deserved her, one who could make all her dreams come true, one who wanted the same things.
He stayed with her for an hour before she told him she wanted to be alone. When he walked out, Colby had never been more disappointed in himself, and he knew this was just the beginning. Lulu taught yoga with goats at the farm. His family adored her. They wouldn’t understand why he’d broken up with her, and he didn’t know how to make them get something he was confused about himself. Something he was ashamed of.
When he drove home, he vowed never to do this again. He wasn’t going to date anyone, wasn’t going to risk breaking another heart just because he didn’t seem to work right.
Colby Covington was going to be alone.
Eventually his family would have to understand.
It was better this way.
CHAPTER ONE
Colby
Last summer
“So…” Vince said. “I’ve been doing my research, and apparently Briar County has its first ever gay bar.”
Vince—Holden’s best friend—had recently moved to Briar County from Atlanta. Since Colby lived alone and had zero plans on dating anymore, he’d offered Vince to be his roommate. They were getting along great so far. Vince was different from anyone Colby knew—so honest and open when it came to how he lived his life and who he was. He envied Vince that, wished he knew how to be more like him. He doubted Vince would ever be the type of guy who would live like he was a passenger rather than the driver of his own life. But Colby didn’t know how to live any other way.