Total pages in book: 208
Estimated words: 207002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1035(@200wpm)___ 828(@250wpm)___ 690(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 207002 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1035(@200wpm)___ 828(@250wpm)___ 690(@300wpm)
I’d gone to Turkey against his wishes.
I was still alive despite talking to Cem twice.
I had the horrible feeling that my father-in-law enjoyed keeping me that way, ready to toy with at any moment.
I’d spent a year grieving.
I hadn’t moved past denial. I doubted I ever would because to accept would be to say goodbye, and that was an impossibility.
I had absolutely no idea how to heal.
So...I stopped trying.
I accepted that the hurricane that blew my ribcage apart and the tsunamis that drowned my heart were a part of me now and forever. I threw myself into being the best mother, daughter, and business partner I could be.
Mum and Dad came round for dinner twice a week.
They fussed over Ayla, and Dad offered his help to see if anchoring a biosphere on the reef where we’d been planting lab-grown coral for years could withstand currents, storms, and tectonic plate movement.
Life stubbornly dragged us all forward, and I often caught Mum looking at me with worry. Her eyes would well with tears whenever she looked at Ayla playing with her colourful blocks, and she’d hug me with arms that recognised my pain and offered a safe harbour if I needed to crash.
I knew they missed Aslan just as much as I did.
Pieces were missing from all of us, yet we did our best to borrow those pieces from each other.
We became close.
Very close.
And when Teddy finally announced he and Eddie might finally have a design that incorporated all the necessary technical requirements to hypothetically work, I stepped into my role of fundraising.
I threw myself into work with single-minded determination, filling my days with far too many things. The only problem was, I hadn’t figured out how to crowd my nights, and that was where Aslan still found me.
*
One year, four months...
*
“My heart doesn’t beat right when we’re not together, aşkım.”
I arched beneath him and kissed his perfect lips. “That’s because we don’t have separate hearts anymore. We only have one.”
His body thrust into mine, penetrating and invading, reminding me I was his, all while giving everything he was to me. “I like the thought of that.” He licked my bottom lip. “We share our bodies, so why shouldn’t we share our hearts too?”
“Why indeed.” I gripped his ass as he rocked deeper inside me. “You’ve taken everything else anyway.”
“And I won’t stop.” His eyes tightened as we chased spindling pleasure. “Know why?”
My head tipped back, loving the way he collided with me. “Because you can’t stop until I’m yours?”
“Oh, you’re mine, Neri. You were mine the moment I first saw you. I won’t stop because—” His eyes suddenly flared. His body jerked. Shadows misted from all corners of the room, crowding him, whipping around his throat, lashing like black ropes over his chest.
The darkness wrenched him back, withdrawing his body from mine, and throwing him to the ground.
“Aslan!” I scrambled off the bed, dropping to the floor after him. “Wait—”
“Neri—” His eyes met mine as the darkness thickened.
It clotted and hissed, then snatched him into nothing—
I woke with a gasp like I always did.
I rubbed at the bruises on my knees from falling out of bed that’d become a bad habit.
My mouth was sour from dream screaming.
My body wet from dream needing.
The house remained quiet and comforting around me, but I couldn’t be there.
Like most nights, I grabbed my white dressing gown, slipped into it, and padded out of my room. I checked on Ayla, sleeping with her little fists above her head, her face so serious even while slumbering. With a kiss to her chubby cheek, I drifted past Teddy and Eddie’s bedroom, and cut through the designer lounge where Teddy had somehow turned second-hand eclectic furniture into a boho chic fit for a beachside magazine.
The sliding doors into the overgrown garden made no noise as I disappeared outside and followed my well-trodden path through the side gate, over the front lawn, and down the street to the beach.
Draping my dressing gown on the branches of a twisted banyan, I ripped off Aslan’s t-shirt that I slept in, and moved naked in the clouded moonlight to the sea.
No one knew I took these two a.m. swims.
No one needed to know.
This was the only cure I’d found for my chronic grief-stricken disease.
I’d grown reckless swimming in the ocean at a time when creatures came out to feed. I felt no fear as I splashed while monsters cruised below. In a way, I was offering myself up to fate. If it answered my call and took me one day, then I would know Aslan was indeed dead, and it was time I returned to him. But each night, as I cut through the black-silver water, pushed myself until my lungs burned, and kicked legs made of lead, I somehow survived.
Nothing came for me.