Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 78264 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78264 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 391(@200wpm)___ 313(@250wpm)___ 261(@300wpm)
I can’t…
Using every ounce of strength God has given me, I force the memories back until a deadly silence settles within me.
Pretend it never happened.
Don’t think about it. Don’t give it power in your life.
It was just a nightmare.
You’re stronger than the bastard. Don’t let him break you.
He’s dead. Alek killed him.
I open my eyes and suck in a quivering breath.
No one can know. You have to pretend nothing happened so they won’t ask questions.
I lift my chin and turn off the faucets. Stepping out of the shower, I dry my body and put on the clean clothes Nikolai brought.
There’s a pair of leggings and a t-shirt. I hate that the clothes fit tight on my body.
Lifting my head, I look at my reflection in the mirror. My face looks like someone took a hammer to it, but I couldn’t care less. It’s nothing compared to the wounds inflicted on my soul.
I open the door and wrap my arms around me before I walk back into the room where Nikolai and Alek are standing.
I don’t look at the men as I walk to the other door.
“Where are you going?” Nikolai asks, his tone so gentle it makes tears jump to my eyes.
“To my suite,” I whisper as I let myself out of the private room in the infirmary.
I hear Nikolai and Alek behind me as I walk down the hallway, and at the foot of the stairs, I stop to glance at them. “I’ll be okay. I’m going to get some sleep.”
Alek nods. “If you need anything, just let me know.”
I lock eyes with him. “Thank you, Alek.” My chin trembles with the gratitude I feel toward him.
I have to force myself to look at Nikolai because whenever I lock eyes with him, I want to cry myself to death. “I’ll see you later.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
Unable to find the strength to argue with him, I climb the stairs.
When we reach my suite, I’m surprised when he swipes a keycard through the lock. My eyes jump to his face, which has him explaining, “It’s a universal card for all the rooms.”
I step inside, my arms tightening around me. With my eyes lowered, I whisper, “I’ll be okay. You can go.”
Nikolai comes in and shuts the door behind him. I can feel his eyes on my face.
There’s a dangerous vibe coming from him, but deep down, I know he won’t hurt me. I think he’s just upset by what happened today.
Still, his presence is an immense force in comparison to the shell that’s left of me.
Reaching for my chin, he murmurs, “Look at me.”
I pull away from him, shaking my head.
“Moya dusha.” The whisper is soft and intimate, but I don’t know what the words mean. They sound loving, though, making my chin tremble.
I try to hold back the tears, wanting to appear as the old Abbie – the one who was sassy and strong.
But that Abbie died on a filthy floor, and all that’s left is a broken woman.
I press my lips together, the cut stinging from my effort to fight the tears from overwhelming me.
“Christ, baby,” Nikolai groans.
His arms wrap around me, his hand covering the back of my head as he gently presses me to his chest.
The trauma builds and builds like a volcano until the pressure becomes unbearable. It explodes from me with absolute devastation, a heartbreaking cry ripping straight from my brutalized soul.
Nikolai holds me tighter as if he’s trying to engulf me with his body. “I’m so fucking sorry you got hurt.” He presses a kiss to my damp hair. “It will never happen again. I promise you.”
I pull my arms free from between us and wrap them tightly around his waist, my fingers clinging to his shirt.
As I weep for what was done to me – what was taken from me – Nikolai holds me as though he would die if he let go.
He’s the last man I was intimate with, and there will never be another. The mere thought of sex repulses me to the point where I feel physically sick.
But having Nikolai’s arms around me offers me some comfort.
I mourn the loss of what could’ve been between us and feel feverish from all the crying when I finally manage to calm down.
Pulling away from Nikolai, I put a safe distance between us. I feel uncomfortable as I look at him. “Thanks, but if you don’t mind, I want to be alone.”
He tilts his head, a frown line forming between his eyes. “I don’t think you should be alone right now.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think.” My words sound too cold, but knowing I must stop whatever was building between us, I push through. “We both know things were never going to be serious between us. It was fun, but it’s over. Please leave.”