Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 57270 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 57270 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 286(@200wpm)___ 229(@250wpm)___ 191(@300wpm)
I haven’t heard from him since he stormed out of the ward. He probably hates me for being so weak. I suppose the phone call to my mother was his way of washing his hands of me. One final thing before he said goodbye.
There’s a knock on the door, and I wrap my arms over my head. “What?” I mutter peevishly. It’s probably time for my next meal. “I’ll make it in a minute.”
My mother’s voice sounds uncharacteristically timid. “Darling, there’s someone here to see you. Can I let him in?”
My eyes fly open.
“Him who?”
But the door’s already opening. I flip over in a panic, sending a paperback book and three stuffed animals sliding to the floor. Dear god, no, he can’t see me like this. Through the crack I see my mother’s face, and she must decide that I’m decent enough because she steps back, and a large figure moves into the doorway.
A large, blond figure, in gray trousers and a black sweater.
“Lacey.”
He stops where he is, studying me uncertainly. I swing my bare feet to the floor, and then just sit there, paralyzed by the sight of him.
Mum looks between us for a moment and then disappears back down the hall.
“Can I come in?” he asks.
I glance around the room. It’s not messy exactly, but it’s not how I would have liked him to see it. I’m not how I’d like him to see me, either, but there’s nothing I can do about that now, and I suppose it doesn’t matter, anyway.
“Um. Yeah.”
“May I?” he asks, indicating the end of the bed.
I nod, and he sits down. Stian looks large and incongruous in the small room, his dark, masculine clothes in stark relief to all the white and pastels. The bed sinks a little beneath his weight, but there’s still more than a foot of space between us.
I poke at a stuffed bear on the carpet with my toe. “Mum must be desperate if she let you in.”
“Actually, she’s the one who called me.”
I glance at him in surprise, but then I remember how Stian got into mum’s good books. “Oh, yeah. You guys have talked before.”
He’s not here because he wants to be. You’re a charity case.
“I’m sorry that I went behind your back. Are you angry with me?”
I reach down and clutch the bear to my chest. “It wasn’t really a secret, and it doesn’t matter anymore. Doctor Loftin says I can’t use the box, because it’s not healthy.”
Stian nods and stares at his hands, flexing his fingers as if examining his tattoos. “I stayed away because I wanted to give you time. I know how important space is when you’ve lost yourself. But I also didn’t want to leave you adrift for too long.” His voice is low, almost unemotional, but I can see tension in his shoulders. “Will you come back to me now, Lacey?”
I breathe in sharply and clutch the stuffed animal even tighter. When he stormed out of the ward, I was sure that was the end of things between us. He’d reached the end of his patience with me. If he’s been waiting for me to get better then he must be sorely disappointed at the sight of me.
When I don’t speak, Stian curves his fingers briefly into fists. He wants to demand, to take hold of me. “I’ve missed you so much it’s been a physical ache. It doesn’t have to be all at once. We can take things slowly in any situations you find stressful.”
“That’s every situation,” I whisper.
“Then I’ll be patient in every situation.”
Silence stretches between us. It’s not that I don’t believe he has patience. It’s that I don’t have any hope anymore. He could be as patient as a stone monument, but what would be the point if we never get anywhere?
“This grumpy asshole has enough patience in his heart for one scared girl.”
I take a deep breath. “Your patience isn’t mine to wear through, and I’m not a puzzle for you to figure out.”
Stian looks up at me. “Is that what you think you are to me? Do you know how much I smiled before I met you? Once a year, at Christmas, for my mother. Now I’m up to three times a week. It’s disgusting.”
My heart aches at the memory of his smiles.
“Lately, since I lost you, not so much. But I’m hoping that you might give me a reason to smile again.” He reaches out and brushes the back of his fingers over my cheek. “You’re not a puzzle, Lacey. You showed me the most vulnerable parts of yourself, and I thought she was beautiful every single time.”
Nothing’s changed since the day I realized Stian and I could never work out there in the real world. The only thing that could allow Stian and I to have a chance would be if my anorexia suddenly evaporated and I was healthy again. Miracles don’t happen.