Total pages in book: 195
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
“The only way you’re leaving me is in a body bag.”
The words send a current of fear through me, and his brutality is so tangible I feel my head snapping back from the punch. Then the blinding shock of pain as I collapse on the floor. The salt from tears on my lips. Blood pulsing from the wound in my head. But it’s not just my blood.
It's everywhere. On the floor. The bed. The wall. It looks like a war zone, and in the center of it all is his face.
I choke out his name, and I don’t know if it’s real. But he blinks at me, and when he does, a pool of crimson leaks out from beneath his body, bathing the floor in his blood. A chill rises over me as the blurry figure above him begins to take shape. My scalp is on fire, and blood’s dripping down my face, and I’m scared if I don’t move now, I’ll be lying there right next to him.
A silent scream explodes from my lips as she picks up the gun. Madden’s gun. I don’t know how she got it. It was in my hand. I was almost free.
I crawl backward, slipping on the blood as she takes aim. Her finger engages the trigger, and my breath gets caught in my lungs as I squeeze my eyes shut. I try to find the words to beg for my life, but they don’t come. What life do I have left?
“Bianca?”
Birdie’s voice makes me jump, and my eyes snap open as the words tumble free.
“It was Bethany.”
“Bethany?” she echoes. “Did you remember something about her?”
“They were in bed together when I came home,” I blurt out as it comes back to me in real time. “There was an argument… and I tried to leave, but he wouldn’t let me. She wanted him to tell me it was over, but Adam told her to go instead, and then they fought. She slapped him, and he shoved her. Then she threw a lamp at his head. He wrestled her to the ground and started to choke her. And I remembered what that felt like. I remember clawing at my throat, desperate for air. So I went into the closet and got Madden’s gun. I just wanted it to stop. But when I threatened him with it, he laughed. Then he punched me so hard I fell and hit my head. I don’t know how long I was out, but somehow Bethany got the gun. And when I came to, she was standing over his body.”
“It’s okay.” Birdie rubs my back and tries to pull me in for a hug, but I sink to the floor, clutching my knees to my chest.
“She tried to shoot me, too,” I tell her. “But she couldn’t figure out how to fire the gun a second time. So she came for me, but she slipped on Adam’s blood and fell. I don’t know how, but I made it to my feet, and I ran.”
“God, Bianca.” Birdie kneels in front of me, keeping her distance as I curl into myself. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything you went through.”
I close my eyes and press my forehead against my knees, barely registering her words as another onslaught of memories hits me. I repeat them out loud before they can slip away, and Birdie listens silently as I unpack and untangle my life. I tell her about the abuse. The war in my heart between loving Madden and loyalty to my family. The burden of protecting everyone I loved from Adam’s wrath. My father’s health that felt like a noose around my neck for so many years, and then his ultimate betrayal.
“He wasn’t even sick,” I rasp. “He lied to me. He made me sacrifice everything for him.”
Full, body-wracking sobs take me hostage as I unleash a barrage of tears and pain. Birdie sits with me quietly, waiting for me to process each new memory. Some of the wounds are so raw, they still feel like they happened yesterday. And I understand now why my mind shut down. Because coming back feels like walking through hell, and I’m not sure I’ll ever escape.
I cry until there’s nothing left. Nothing but a bone-deep exhaustion in my soul. But after the clouds have passed, and I open my eyes, drawing in a shuddering breath, I realize I’ve come out on the other side. Relief fills my lungs with the first sign of hope as I stare down my past and acknowledge that I survived.
I remember my life. I remember who I am. And I remember Madden.
I can feel him. With every heartbeat, a memory of him returns to me. The way he smells like home. How his body feels wrapped around mine. The way he kisses me and how the sun seems to shine whenever he’s near.