Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 155405 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 777(@200wpm)___ 622(@250wpm)___ 518(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 155405 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 777(@200wpm)___ 622(@250wpm)___ 518(@300wpm)
Having a book to bury my nose in makes it easier to ignore Landon in the classes we have together, too. I read it until the bell rings, and then, like yesterday, I’m out the door.
I’m still reading at lunch. Hannah is sitting with me, but she doesn’t mind. She scrolls on her phone while I read, and I pop my head up when I want her input.
“Do you think it’s possible to like two people at once?”
Her eyebrows rise, then draw together as she thinks about it. “I don’t know,” she says after a few seconds. “Possibly. I’ve never tried.”
“Capellanus is pretty firmly against the idea.”
Hannah shrugs. “Different folks, different strokes. Also different times, but I don’t have to tell you that.” She nods at the book. “What’s with the side project?”
“I started texting Javi last night,” I confess.
Her eyes widen. “Oh yeah? How’s it going?”
“Good. Great. I don’t know. He’s great. I’m immensely enjoying talking to him. But then this morning Landon and I were alone in the kitchen, and…” I trail off, not even sure how to describe it.
I don’t have to. Hannah seems to understand. “You’ve had a crush on Landon for a long time,” she says gently. “Even if Javi is the greatest, healthiest guy in the world, you’re not the kind of person who can jump in and out of things quickly. You are reading a book trying to make sense of your feelings about a situation you’ve been encountering for hours. When you commit to things, you commit with your whole heart.”
Frowning poutily, I say, “I do not have a crush on Landon.”
“Whether you do now or not, you have, and it made a profound impact on you. And whether it’s fair or not, he is part of the fabric of your romantic history. He has literally stopped you from dating for years. That’s bound to make an impression.”
“That is such bullshit. He has done literally nothing to deserve making any kind of impression on me, ever.”
She nods sympathetically. “Unfortunately, whether they deserve it seldom has any bearing on who leaves an impression on us. Sometimes I think the worse they are, the greater chance they have at leaving an impression since they’ll sink to lows a more principled person wouldn’t. Tends to be memorable.”
I shake my head. “That’s so annoying.”
She nods her agreement.
I look across the lunchroom where Landon always sits and find him looking right at me. I narrow my eyes, and he smirks, his eyes dancing with amusement.
Sighing, I look back at Hannah. “I have a psycho ex-boyfriend and I never even dated him.”
Hannah cracks a faint smile. “If you want my honest opinion?”
“Of course.”
Her smile shifts faintly, like she knows she’s about to tell me something I won’t want to hear. “Even if it’s theoretically possible to like two people at once, I don’t think it’s possible for you. You’d have to end one thing before you could start another. If you really like Javi and don’t want to ruin things with him… you might want to handle your Landon stuff first.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Parker
Hannah’s words weigh on me all afternoon, so I don’t text Javi.
I don’t want her to be right because I have enjoyed the temporary escape of talking to him and I don’t want it to end, but I think she is.
The problem is, I don’t know how to handle my Landon stuff. It’s not like I can just politely ask him to stop tormenting me. Parental intervention is off the table unless I admit defeat and convince myself I’ve tried literally everything else first, and I know myself well enough to admit that’s unlikely.
Realistically, I just always assumed I would have to deal with this through high school, then I would go to college and be free of him. I had made my peace with that.
But now there’s someone I could have an actual connection with, and I want to explore it, but Landon is standing directly in my way.
So, the circumstances have changed. Even if it was fine to deal with his bullshit when it wasn’t hurting me, that’s no longer the case.
My latest idea is my craziest: I want to have an honest, straightforward conversation with him about this.
I’m just not sure how I could arrange it safely since I’m committed to not being alone with him. I could probably ask Hannah to come over and linger close enough to keep me safe while I talked to him, but it would need to be when Mom and Hayden weren’t around since I couldn’t risk them overhearing.
I think about trying to do it tonight, but before I can get up the nerve, Landon leaves to go hang out at Malek’s house.
As eager as I am to get this issue settled now that I’ve decided there is one, I am much more excited about having Landon out of the house. I think about texting Javi just to say hi since I don’t have to worry about getting caught, but turns out, I don’t have to. He texts me.