Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 155405 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 777(@200wpm)___ 622(@250wpm)___ 518(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 155405 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 777(@200wpm)___ 622(@250wpm)___ 518(@300wpm)
I’d never admitted to being attracted to Landon because how could I possibly be attracted to someone who treated me like absolute garbage? But I wasn’t blind, and his atrocious behavior was somehow not enough to make him unattractive to me.
Typically, it would be. His cousin Malek is widely regarded as a whole sex symbol at our school, and I could not be less attracted to that vile asshole if I tried.
Maybe the difference was the sympathy I had felt for Landon. It cushioned him from bearing the full brunt of his awfulness because, to me, even when he was being a bully, he was still the sad boy sitting alone at his desk and blaming himself for his mother being gone.
I couldn’t hate Landon no matter how much he deserved it.
So, I went home and changed clothes. I put on a bathing suit underneath a party dress, even put on a bit of makeup.
In my mind, I imagined walking in and seeing his eyes glint with fondness when he caught sight of me. I imagined us talking all night long, sorting out every hurt caused by him being a jerk. I even went down imaginary roads that might lead to my first kiss before I left—something soft and romantic that would leave me floating on clouds as I made my way home.
It is heartbreaking how foolish I was.
I don’t like to replay that night, but what actually happened was much closer to blatant assault. He ignored me for a good two hours and got drunk with his friends. He had only invited me, not Hannah or the other two girls we were at the game with, so there was no one else at the party for me to talk to, and I had a terrible time. But then, finally, he came over and got me. He grabbed my wrist and hauled me wordlessly through the crowd. My heart pounded and I thought, “This is it. It’s finally happening.”
But there was nothing sweet or romantic about it. He dragged me into a room and locked the door. I felt a first wave of fear wash over me, but that was silly. I’d gone to school with Landon forever; he wouldn’t hurt me.
It didn’t feel like he wouldn’t hurt me, though.
The bedroom was dark because he hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on. As he stalked toward me, I found myself backing away.
It was the first moment I realized maybe I shouldn’t have come into that room with him.
He didn’t say a single word to me, just backed me up against a wall. I looked up at him, confused. He slid his hands up under my dress to grab my hips and cage me in against the wall.
Fear wrapped its fingers around my throat. He smelled like liquor as he leaned in and roughly kissed my jaw, and I felt a sudden claustrophobic need to get away from him before he reached my mouth.
I had wanted him to be my first kiss, but not like that.
I pushed him away when I realized I needed to. I was still stunned, and he didn’t take the hint. He grabbed my wrist again and pulled me back as I tried to move away from him. He pushed me over to the bed, then threw me down on the mattress and yanked down my bikini bottoms.
He got them off despite my confused attempts to stop him, and as his rough hand grabbed my naked hip to position me underneath him, the panic set in.
It couldn’t be happening, but it was.
My heart raced as his weight crushed me. If I didn’t get him off me and get out of that room, he was going to…
I fought him, and when I scratched his face, he was surprised enough that I managed to kick him off me and roll off the bed. I lunged for the door, ripped it open, and ran. My legs felt about as sturdy as two sticks of jelly as I fumbled with my purse, trying to get my phone out to call my mom just in case he came after me.
He didn’t.
Not that night, anyway.
I didn’t tell Mom or anyone else about what had happened. I felt so stupid, and I didn’t even know how to process it myself, honestly. He’d invited me to that party just to attack me?
I kept my distance from him after that.
He never stopped being aware of me, and he never quit picking on me in front of his friends, but after that brush with him alone, I made sure he never got me alone again. I even went to the trouble of going to the office and transferring out of the only class we had together that year. Then, junior year, I was very hands-on in ensuring the school faculty knew I didn’t want to be in any classes with him.