Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 121654 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121654 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 608(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
“You’ve told me many times that you have been unable to find joy in your everyday life,” Cristian said. “I’m tempted to wonder if you feel so conflicted because perhaps maybe this time, you felt something else?”
I stared at the wall, silence my answer. He was right, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. For years, every hour had been gray. I’d lived under a cloud of perpetual rain until she came along, and now my life was filled with color. A storm of passionate red. She was changing the landscape of my life, and I didn’t like it.
“Tell me what burdens you with guilt,” Cristian directed.
My throat felt too thick, and it was difficult to force the words out. “I never meant for it to happen. In the beginning, you told me I might hurt her, and I said I only wanted to help her. But this path I have taken is a dark one.”
“It’s not the only one.” Cristian shifted closer, adjusting his voice accordingly. “It’s not too late to change your intentions.”
I closed my eyes and sank forward. “They aren’t intentions. They’re compulsions. I can only show her what I am.”
“And what are you?”
“Pain,” I gritted through my teeth. “To her, I am pain. It’s the only way I’ve learned to suppress my rage.”
“If you can learn once, you can learn again,” he replied. “Just as you believe Gypsy can change, so can you. How can you ask her to be vulnerable if you aren’t willing to do the same?”
“She still has her whole life ahead of her,” I argued.
“And you have the rest of yours as well.”
He didn’t get it, but why would he? Cristian might be aware of the demons who lived inside me, but he wasn’t intimately acquainted with them. He didn’t live with them every day.
“Perhaps love is the alternative you are afraid to face,” he continued. “But the one you need the most.”
“I don’t know how to love,” I reiterated. “I only know how to fuck.”
Cristian opened the grate between us, eliminating the shadow of secrecy that no longer existed. “If you let hate continue to rule your life and poison anything good, your past still wins.”
I laughed, and it was cold. “Don’t you understand, Father? She already won. I died long before I ever stood with one foot in the grave.”
“IT’S TIME TO GET READY for bed, pet.”
I looked up at Lucian, uncertain what to make of the sudden warmth in his voice. He’d managed to avoid me all day by calling Ace over to babysit instead. But now here he was, puppy brown eyes and a face I couldn’t deny I’d memorized.
We still hadn’t talked about what happened last night. I wondered if we even would, or if we’d both just go on pretending it didn’t happen.
“Come.” He held out his hand for me, and I took it after a moment’s hesitation.
I was tired, but my fatigue was mostly from the uncertainty of what the future held. It was exhausting to try to predict everything so I could feel in control, and with Lucian, it was nearly impossible.
I followed him down the hall, his hand principal in mine, and we entered the master bathroom. He turned on the shower and tested the water with his palm. His eyes met mine, searching for answers to questions he didn’t speak aloud. Instead, his hands came to rest at the hem of my tee shirt, and he slowly guided it up over my head. With practiced care, he undressed me completely, and then did the same for himself.
I couldn’t help that my eyes naturally roamed the great expanse of his body and settled on the thick muscle between his thighs. His cock was heavy but not fully hard. He caught me staring, and my eyes shot to his.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
He guided me into the shower, and I couldn’t figure out what was happening between us at this point. But every time he moved, I had flashes from the night before. Flashes of him inside me, fucking me raw like an animal. The worst part was that I’d been wet all day thinking about it. And even though I was sore, I felt empty.
My eyes fell shut as he soaped his hands and glided them over my body. He washed me carefully and then cleaned and conditioned my hair. There was a gentleness to his touch that I hadn’t ever felt before, and for the first time, I thought I understood why people craved this type of intimacy.
“Gypsy.” Lucian’s voice broke, and when I looked up at him, I was confounded by the torment in his eyes. “What happened last night, it can’t happen again. Do you understand that?”
He said this even as his hard cock hung heavy in front of him, and all I could feel was the pressure and heat filling my chest.