Total pages in book: 131
Estimated words: 126682 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126682 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
The realization bowls me over. It might as well have fallen right out of the sky, so obvious yet so damn hard to grasp. I’ve been too blind to see it before. I’ve never cared about anyone’s happiness like I care about hers. Not even Rachele’s. Rachele was an infatuation. She represented the status I wanted to achieve. She was nothing but a trophy wife, and as I’m forced to face the truth, I’m also forced to admit that Rachele was right in many things she said. I did her an injustice. What that means is fucking scary, because Anya is so much more than an infatuation or an obsession. She’s so much more than the sinful body that gets my dick hard. She’s the only woman who stood by me through thick and thin, the only person who never betrayed me, not even when I hurt her with my callous words. Except for Dante, she’s the only person on this planet I trust. She’s the only woman I want by my side. My queen. She’s the only person I can imagine myself growing old with.
Fuck me.
Dante was right. I thought I could protect her from my enemies if I claimed I didn’t love her, that she wouldn’t be my greatest weakness they could exploit, but the only person I’ve been protecting was myself. I can’t go through what I did with Rachele again, not because Rachele broke me but because Anya will. Rachele hurt me deeply, but Anya has the power to irrevocably destroy me.
Because I love her.
I fell for her a long time ago, and I knew deep inside that she was my only weakness, the one thing that had the power to raze me to the ground. That’s why I didn’t think twice when those bullets rained down on us. It’s my duty to protect her and our baby girl, a duty I’ll honor until the day I blow out my last breath, but I didn’t save her out of duty alone. I saved her because I couldn’t bear the thought of living without her.
The realization cripples me. Like I knew it would, love leaves me weak. I stumble in its wake, cursing the bonds that tie me to this enormous emotion because I’m fucking shaking with fear. I’ve never feared anything, certainly not death, and I’m shivering in my boots when I think of all the bad things that a life like mine can bring over Anya.
My mere existence will constantly put her in harm’s way. I knew it would floor me if anything happened to her, so I fought loving her with every morsel of my being. I fought and denied it so hard not for her sake but for my own.
Only, it’s too late to protect myself. Denying it won’t change a damn thing. I’m only lying to myself and hurting Anya in the process. I’ll just have to own up to it. I’ll simply have to face my fears and make damn sure that nothing ever happens to my girls. I’ll defeat every enemy that crosses my path. Raphael sure as hell won’t be the last. I’ll make damn sure I get to the top and stay there. With Anya beside me, where she belongs.
I guess it’s time to come clean. It’s time to be honest not only with myself but also with Anya. I’ll give her the birthday she merits and the truth she deserves to hear. What better time to do it than tonight, the night on which I want to hand her the world?
Chapter
Thirty-Four
Anya
* * *
“I thought we were going to a restaurant,” I say, leaning down to catch a glimpse through the windscreen as Kevin takes the familiar turn to Park Slope.
Saverio sits quietly next to me in the SUV, his big hand resting possessively over mine on the seat between us. He looks hot in a modern three-piece suit with a silver tie. The eyepatch as well as the gold hoop earring give him a distinctive edge of roughness and danger.
“I forgot something at home,” he says.
I turn my head to face him. “A gun?”
His lips quirk at my sarcasm. He’s very much aware of the fact that I know he keeps a gun under his seat at all times, even when Claire is strapped into her car seat in the row behind us. Especially when Claire is in the car with us.
If I’m waiting for his comeback, it seems I’ll be waiting a long time. Unease washes over me. He’s been unusually quiet since the Jacuzzi incident when I slipped up and mentioned the L-word.
“Is everything all right?” I ask.
His expression softens. Leaning over, he presses a kiss on my lips. “Everything is perfect, tesoro.”
“You’re keeping something from me.”
The minute tightening of his eye tells me I’m right.