Cluelessly Yours – It’s A Funny Story Read Online Max Monroe

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary, Funny Tags Authors:
Advertisement1

Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 97592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
<<<<456781626>102
Advertisement2


“I’d like to introduce you to Brooke Baker,” Katy continues, looking back at Brooke and Benji. “Brooke is a number one New York Times best-selling author. She is loved by many readers, and Netflix recently made a series based on her Shadow Brothers Trilogy. Please give her a round of applause as she comes up here.”

The students clap their hands, and Brooke makes her way to the podium, Batman Benji following right behind her and settling at her feet when she comes to a stop behind the mic.

Several years ago, a diagnosis of vasovagal syncope and a multiyear struggle with the fainting it causes brought Benji into my sister’s life, and the superhero costumes she dresses him up in pay homage to the protective role he plays. Without him, I don’t know where she’d be.

“Good morning, students,” my sister greets into the microphone. She’s nervous; I can hear it in the faint tremor of her voice, but I can’t say that I blame her. Neither one of us was ever fond of public speaking. It’s ironic, really, since our father will boom his banter at anyone who will listen. “I am so excited to be here with you guys today.”

“That’s my aunt Brooke!” a child’s voice yells from the crowd, and all the blood in my veins instantly turns to ice. Because that’s not just any voice—that’s my Seth’s voice. “She’s awesome!”

“Thanks, Seth,” Brooke says into the microphone on a laugh, and my stomach clenches around the hope that this is where his little public display of affection ends.

“Seth Brown, you need to sit down,” Principal Dana Harris whisper-yells, already slowly moving toward him, but Seth just keeps talking.

“She writes books that have s-e-x in them! My mom says I can’t read them, but I’ve heard my mom talking about them!”

Oh no.

“Oh God,” Brooke mutters, but it’s right into the microphone, and her words echo throughout the entire auditorium. I jump from the side of the stage in sheer panic, but it’s too late. Seth is already on a roll that can’t be stopped.

“I don’t know much about s-e-x, but my aunt Brooke does because that’s how you get a baby in your belly!”

“Seth Brown! Sit down!” Principal Harris is practically climbing over kids to reach him at this point, and my chest is seized into painful arrest.

I start to head toward the stairs to take control of my child, but the sound of my sister’s voice echoing through the speakers stops me in my tracks.

“I think I need a minute,” Brooke announces, and the softness of her voice is frighteningly foreboding. Benji is on his feet, nudging her legs persistently with his snout, and Hot Dr. Noah is already moving toward her with concern on his face. Oh shit.

“You okay, Brooke?” I hear him ask her, and all she can do is shake her head.

Brooke’s knees buckle, and Noah just barely reaches her before she faints. He catches her in his arms and gently lays her on her back, and Katy Dayton streaks across the stage to help.

After that, everything moves at a rapid-fire pace.

“Oh my God, she’s died!” one student yells, and that makes the rest of them scream in horror.

More kids start shouting from their seats.

“Call 9-1-1!”

“Call my mom! I want to go home!”

“I’m so scared! I’ve never seen a dead woman before!”

“You think they’re gonna make us look at the body?”

“I’ll puke!”

“My mom loves to listen to smodcasts about people dying!”

Teachers bounce around the room like pinballs, trying to bring calm, but it’s too late.

The entire auditorium is in pandemonium, a crowd on the stage is on the phone with 9-1-1, and Principal Harris is clutching her chest in abject horror.

And my kid is the one responsible.

Something tells me I’m about to find myself in the principal’s office, suffering the consequences of what will be yet another long story.

“We’re not in the business of suspending seven-year-olds, Ms. Baker, but it’s safe to say we need to find a resolution here.”

Bone-chilling words from Principal Harris spin through my head as Seth and I rush from our meeting in the head honcho’s office at Calhoun Elementary to St. Luke’s Hospital, where my sister is located after being carted there in a freaking ambulance.

The guilt I feel for putting Brooke in this situation is clawing at my nerves, and one thousand pounds of stress sit on my shoulders as I try to navigate my eldest son and myself through the crowded New York sidewalk traffic.

Truthfully, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry or go fetal right here on the concrete.

The only thing that’s preventing me from having a full-on breakdown is knowing that Noah went with Brooke and they’re heading to his hospital, where his Chief of Pediatric Anesthesiology title ensures my sister will get the best care. He was kind enough to ride in the ambulance with her so that I could collect Seth and get an earful from his principal.


Advertisement3

<<<<456781626>102

Advertisement4