Cluelessly Yours – It’s A Funny Story Read Online Max Monroe

Categories Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary, Funny Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 97592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 488(@200wpm)___ 390(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
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Brooke kicks at my ankle, knocking the bone with the least funny of thuds. “Ow.” I wince, picking it up to rub at it.

Her expression is a fraud of apology. “Sorry, my reflexes have been super freaky this trimester.”

Super-freaky reflexes, my ass.

“Yeah, well, I’ll only be accepting bribes from pregnant people at this time, and even my generosity with that is starting to dry up.” I shoot Brooke a glare—she just smiles, hugging the container of chicken smugly.

“Damn. That’s too bad.” Noah’s smile deepens, and I have to look away from the blinding light. His perfect features are a solar eclipse, and thanks to a shitty ex-husband, young kids, and a tough divorce, I don’t own any of those special glasses. All my defenses are dried up. If I let myself succumb to Noah’s charisma, everything inside me—that’s barely hanging on by a thread, mind you—is sure to shrivel up.

Plus, there is no way this is the type of man who is looking for a woman with my kind of baggage. He’s perfect. His life is perfect. And my life is…a well-contained dumpster fire on a good day. On a bad day? That fire has spread to every building within a one-mile radius, and the world’s best firefighters struggle to get it under control.

But seeing as he is smack-dab in the middle of doing me a giant favor, I don’t leave him hanging. “Come by the restaurant one night when you get a chance, and I’ll make sure to slide you some mussels to-go at no charge.”

Noah smiles again, but this time, I hold it without looking away. And what a fucking mistake that is. “A chance to see one of my favorite Baker sisters and free food?” He shakes his head just slightly—playfully. “That’s one hell of a good deal. Count me in, Sammy.”

I force myself to smile through the blush I can feel tingling in my cheeks and strongly caution my tongue against its growing urge to stutter. “Well, I do owe you. Seriously, thank you for showing up for something some crazy woman just signed you up for in the name of making amends for all of her kid’s sins.”

“No thanks necessary,” Noah says through a soft chuckle.

“Get real, Noah,” Brooke chimes in. “Thanks are definitely necessary in this scenario. Maybe a little groveling too.”

“Ignore your sister. I’m happy to help.” Noah reaches out to gently squeeze my wrist for a beat. “Promise.”

His touch, while completely platonic and minor, feels way too good.

I chance a small glance at Brooke, although, I don’t linger. I can only imagine she’s feeling like a pig in shit right now, watching this interaction. She’s been trying to push us together for months, undeterred by my repeated and certain decree that a fleeting romance with eligible bachelor Noah Philips would be the end of me.

“I really do appreciate both of you coming here and doing this.”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re the best,” Brooke replies with a teasing wink. “Now, I see Ms. Dayton heading this direction, so why don’t you duck and cover and find somewhere to hang out while we get this over with?”

I nod, picking up my bag and jetting for the side of the stage in a hurry. I have nothing against Katy Dayton—she’s a super teacher and an even nicer human being—but with my son being a recurring thorn in her side, I don’t necessarily feel like making small talk with her today.

Plus, I’ve got a text message about my other son’s projectile vomit to get to. Yay!

I watch as Katy jogs up the steps and stops at Brooke and Noah, asking them some sort of question that makes both of their heads bobble up and down.

As she talks to them, I read the final message from Zoe.

Zoe: I talked to his school, and they understand. They’d rather have him home if he’s sick, and they said something’s been going around. We’ll tuck in and watch a movie until you get home. Seriously, no worries and no need to rush back. Grant is doing well.

Zoe truly is the best. I don’t know what I did right to end up with her as our nanny, but I’ll pay penance forever if I have to.

The first thing I see when I look up from my phone is Katy heading in my direction, and I meld even farther into the shadows. She does something that turns off the joyful music from the Frozen soundtrack that’s playing over the speakers and changes the lighting to highlight the stage directly.

She’s quick, and before I know it, she’s back over to the podium, tapping the mic to test it and then speaking directly into it. “Good afternoon, everyone!”

“Good afternoon, Ms. Dayton,” the whole auditorium responds in unison.

She reminds the kids to be on their best behavior—most of them nod in agreement—and moves right along to present the first speaker.


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