Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88064 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
"Just the first time anyone was prepared to fight against him."
"That I don’t know." Lachlan runs his hands through his dark hair, and folds in his lips, both signs of the pressure he’s shouldering and trying to minimize so that I don’t worry. "Just go and have some fun with Kyla and don’t worry about anything. If we need to get in touch, we’ll call."
I reach out to wrap my arm around his middle, squeezing him in a sideways hug that he quickly turns into a bear-like embrace. I inhale against his blue shirt, finding happiness in the familiarity of his scent. "I’m going to miss you, my sweet girlie," he whispers, warm against my scalp. I’m going to miss him too. So much. But I can’t tell him. It’s not fair.
"I’m only going for a couple of days. I’ll be back before you know it," I say breezily, easing myself from his arms.
It shouldn’t feel this hard to say goodbye to the Cloud 9 crew. I’ll be back in no time, so why does my heart tug as though it’s been pierced by a fishhook and bound to the men I’m leaving behind? Why do tears burn in my throat as I hug them one by one, breathing in their scents like it’s the last time I’m ever going to be this close?
As Kyla and I walk away, I don’t risk turning around because I don’t want to see longing in their expressions or for them to know that my eyes are glassy with tears that I don’t have the right to shed.
This is my fault. I’ve let it go on for too long. I’ve pretended too much.
As we board the bus, Kyla is gushing with excitement. I try to wrap myself into her bubbling enthusiasm so that I can leave the sad black shadow I have trailing me on the sidewalk, but it follows me up the steps and to my seat, and doesn’t leave me, even when we board the tall ship that’s going to take us on our tour.
"Check out our cabin. We’re in the bow." Kyla pushes open the small wooden door until it swings open, revealing a compact cabin with two small bunks which angle in at the end. "We can play footsie," she laughs, dropping her bag into the small space on the floor.
"Keep your piggies to yourself."
"Did you see those guys out there?" Her eyes drift to the door.
"Which ones? The annoying jocks from Ohio or the nerds from New York?"
"All of the above. Did you book us on an American tour or something?"
I shake my head, taking a welcome gulp of water from my metal bottle. "No. It’s just our bad luck to end up surrounded by people we wouldn’t even hang out with at home."
"They don’t seem so bad." Kyla raises her eyebrow and looks me over. "You’d see that if you weren’t in such a grumpy mood."
"Me? Grumpy?"
"Yes, my usually upbeat friend. You!" Her expression softens as I scowl. "Ever since you left those fine men behind, you haven’t been your usual jovial self."
I turn, pretending to unpack my clothes when really, I just need a moment away from Kyla’s scrutiny. She can see through me like a fishbowl. "I’m just worried about what’s happening to them all. It’s a lot."
"It’s more than that." Her voice trails off. "You remember when I panicked? When I was packing up my things to move home?"
"Yeah. You were being an idiot."
She chuckles lightly. "I prefer to think of it as having a crisis of confidence. I didn’t know what I wanted or how to even reach for what I needed. I didn’t believe I was worthy."
"I know. You were being an idiot."
"Forgive me in advance for this, Dawn, but you’re being an idiot."
I swivel around, dropping my spare denim shorts on the bed. "I am not being an idiot, Kyla. I know what I want, and I go for it."
"And then you drop it like a hot potato and sprint away in the other direction." She arches a knowing eyebrow and my frustration builds.
Outside our door, the boom of male voices passes, and feet noisily ascend the stairs to the deck. We shouldn’t be down here right now, having stupid debates about my idiocy or lack of. We should be up there watching as we set sail off on our adventure.
"We should go up," I say. "I don’t want to miss a moment of what Thomas told me about. He painted a picture in my mind. I want to see if it matches."
"Sure."
We gather up the things we need in silence, packing smaller bags of snacks, phones, towels, and sunscreen. As we climb the stairs, I tip my face to the sun, soaking up the warmth but still feeling the drag of that shadow.