Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Tears blurred my vision the more I stormed around the room gathering my things, mind racing with denial as I tried to piece it all together. Joel watched me pitifully, and I thought I heard him saying my name, but I was too angry to hear a single word. Eventually, he left me alone, and when the door closed behind him, I fell to the ground in a sob that wracked my chest.
I hugged my knees, rocking back and forth, shaking my head over and over as if I could just close my eyes and wake up in another reality — one that didn’t mean I was getting off this boat.
One that didn’t mean I was leaving Theo. Forever.
I quieted with that thought, my sobs cut off mid-tantrum as the realization settled in.
I wasn’t upset because Joel broke up with me. I wasn’t even upset because I knew he’d been cheating on me with Ivy for God knows how long.
I was upset because he wanted me off the boat.
And I was devastated that Theo did, too.
My face contorted with emotion, and another wave of tears assaulted me. My rib cage squeezed so tightly together I thought it would crush my lungs, and I hugged my knees tighter, shaking my head as I cried.
I’d lost him.
I’d lost everything.
Before I even truly had the chance to have him at all, I’d let Theo think he didn’t matter to me, that I hadn’t been wrapped up in him from the moment I first saw him. I let my confusion and desperation to be loyal to Joel disconcert me and keep me from falling into the man who saw me so clearly I could never hide from him, even if I tried.
Theo knew it. He knew I was his.
But he wouldn’t take me until I knew it, too.
And I didn’t realize it until it was too late.
Another tear slid down my cheek, and I brushed it away silently, staring at the floor. It was all so cruel, how your own heart, your own mind could keep you from something so good. Now, in the broad daylight of the truth, I couldn’t even figure out what my original reasoning had been. Why had I stopped last night? Why hadn’t I agreed that I was Theo’s to have, that Joel meant nothing to me anymore?
Suddenly, another thought hit me.
What if Theo didn’t care about me at all?
What if all he’d wanted was to get in my pants?
The thought struck me so hard that I jolted upright, tracing back through our time together, wondering if everything he’d said had been a lie, a ruse to get me to fall into him, to trust him, to give myself to him. I thought of what he’d said about being my master that morning in Nice. I thought of the hungry look in his eyes when we were in the hot tub, the way he wanted me so fiercely he couldn’t hide it. I thought of the pool party, and the Grotto, and then he’d kept his hands to himself until…
Last night.
When I’d denied him.
And Joel went to him the very next morning with a proposal to send me home.
Why wouldn’t he want me gone after last night?
Theo isn’t a liar.
He had no reason to lie.
He wouldn’t do that… my brain tried to argue.
But he had.
He had agreed with Joel. He’d booked a car and a flight before even speaking to me, and now I was leaving and there was nothing I could do about any of it.
I was a fool.
A silly, impressionable fool.
I meant nothing to him.
I let my head fall back against the dresser, but no more tears came. Instead, I blinked my dry eyes up at the ceiling, wondering how I could have been so stupid, how I could have messed my life up so royally in just one summer.
But it didn’t matter now.
It didn’t matter that Joel broke up with me. It didn’t matter that Theo no longer wanted me either.
It was done. It was decided.
In a matter of hours, I’d be off the yacht and en route back to Colorado.
Summer was over.
It felt like my life was, too.
After I packed, I went to the bar on the main deck and poured myself a drink.
I had no idea what I was doing. I never drank. But I’d also never been broken up with or felt so numb I wondered if I was even still human.
I’d heard my parents say throughout certain times in their life that they needed a drink.
Suddenly, I understood that feeling.
I selected a vodka and mixed it with cranberry juice, a cocktail I knew my mom enjoyed. Then, I sat down in one of the bar stools with my backpack propped next to me and took my first sip.
I grimaced. It was awful.
“Try adding a little lime juice,” a voice said, and I looked over my shoulder just in time to see Emma yawning and sidling up next to me. The silver in her hair reflected the late morning light as she eyed the drink in my hand. “Or just give it to me since I need a little hair of the dog.” She winked. “You don’t drink, anyway, and today doesn’t seem like a good time to start.”