Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 491(@200wpm)___ 393(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
I kept silent, waiting.
After a moment, Theo nodded toward an empty staircase nestled in an alleyway. There was a man there playing a violin, and Theo pulled a one-hundred euro note from his pocket, giving it to the man and whispering something in his ear. The man’s eyes bulged at the note first before he smiled and nodded at me politely, excusing himself and leaving us alone.
Theo took a seat on the third step, waiting until I sat next to him before he said, “Did you know there are seven different words for love in the Greek language?”
“Seven?” I asked, arching a brow. “Do you mean like how we have love and lust?”
Theo shook his head. “Much more than that. I’m no expert, but the way I understood it when I first heard the story, it’s like… there are different levels of love. Different shades. For instance, you can love your mom, but not in the same way you love your favorite restaurant. And you can love your dog, wanting them to be safe and cared for, but it’s different from the way you might love a lover, with passion,” he said, and his eyes met mine then. “With desire.”
I swallowed.
“The Greeks have understood this for a long time, so they have different words for love, depending on what kind it is. Like Ludus, which is kind of like our version of having a crush on someone, flirty and fun. Or Eros, which is passionate and consuming, sexually driven,” he explained, smirking a little when my cheeks flushed. “The way a first love might be.”
I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear and glancing at the tourists passing by just to catch a breath. After a moment, I looked back at Theo again. “So, what kind of love is Philautia then?”
Theo smiled. “Self-love.”
“Hmm,” I mused, frowning a little as I tried to piece together why he’d pick that one. “Well, are you going to tell me why you chose that as the name of your boat, or do I have to guess?”
He chuckled. “Well, what I loved about this word is that it encompasses more than just a lovely concept. Sure, part of it is self-love in the way we see it in the States.” He paused, folding his hands together where they rested between his knees. “Like, oh, it’s been a long work week, tonight I’ll run a hot bath and read a good book kind of love. But the other side of Philautia addresses the more selfish kind of loving yourself. Pleasure-seeking. Narcissism, if you will.”
I frowned. “So, you’re telling me you’re a narcissist, then?”
“Aren’t we all in some ways?” Theo asked. “If the answer to that is no, then, frankly, I think that needs to be addressed.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
Theo sighed, watching the people pass for a moment before he elaborated. “I think it’s important to love yourself — even in the selfish way — because you’re the only person truly looking out for yourself. Even if someone cares about you, a friend or family member, at the end of the day?” He shook his head. “Their life goes on, regardless of how you choose to live yours.”
Theo paused, chewing the inside of his cheek for a moment.
“I think it’s important to put yourself first sometimes. Do what makes you happy. Say no when you don’t want to do something. Say yes to whatever you love, even if others don’t understand or support it. Choose yourself every now and then, because if you don’t, then who else will?”
I didn’t miss the way Theo’s eyes darkened with that question, the way his jaw tightened.
“I chose Philautia because that was a lesson I learned the hard way. For a long time, I put others before me no matter what. I would say no to advancements for Envizion because I knew my partner wouldn’t like them, or say yes to doing a publicity event because I knew my parents wanted me to. I would try to be whatever my current flavor of the month wanted me to be — sometimes that meant working out more than I cared to, or eating differently than I usually did, or indulging in pastimes I wasn’t actually fond of all in the name of making a woman happy.”
He shook his head, as if, just like I was currently thinking, he couldn’t believe he’d ever been that way. I couldn’t picture Theo as anything but powerful and steady as a rock in the face of anything, work or otherwise.
“And I was burned,” Theo continued. “Over and over, until I finally realized that though I had good intentions, I was losing myself in the name of serving others.”
Theo’s eyes met mine then, and my heart stopped in my chest at the intensity of his stare.
“I think you can understand that, can’t you?”