Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 138287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 691(@200wpm)___ 553(@250wpm)___ 461(@300wpm)
Tomorrow, I would apologize. Tonight, I would sleep.
My brows knitted when I heard the loud ping of my cell phone. I got up to retrieve it from where it lay charging. I opened the text and what I saw made my heart stutter.
Connor: You really piss me off sometimes, ya know that?
I closed my eyes, instantly regretting my boldness. I sat back on the bed and typed my short response.
Me: I’m sorry.
Because, what else could I say?
Time seemed to tick slower as I wait for a reply, any reply, but it didn’t seem like that was happening. I held my phone to my chest and prayed I hadn’t ruined my friendship with Connor.
Ping.
The vibration shook the valley between my breasts
Connor: You really wanna know what I’m afraid of?
My cell sounded instantly.
Connor: Everything.
His open response took me by surprise. I thought very carefully about my next text.
Me: Come back.
A single hard knock at my door startled me, and then…
Connor: I never left.
When I opened the door, I found Connor there, leaning against the doorframe. His eyes were closed, his lips thin, and he had his cell phone in his hand, smacking it into his temple, slowly. Repeatedly.
I gently grasped his wrist to stop the assault and led him back inside, into the dark. His discomfort spoke the words he couldn’t and I decided to keep the light off, leaving only the moonlight’s dull illumination coming from the open curtain.
As Connor sat on the bed, he murmured, “The fuck am I doing here?”
Beats the heck out of me.
I didn’t understand. I never understood why Connor chose to be here with me but I enjoyed our little talks, and although I would never admit it, our friendship was important to me. Connor was teaching me a lot about the harsh reality of the world. He was teaching me about real life, about trials and tribulations. He was also teaching me that life was what I made it and that it was okay to grow as a person.
As I sat on the bed, crossing my legs, I watched his silhouette. He took in a deep breath, lifted his head heavenward, and started to speak. And I let him, without interrupting.
“Before the band got big, I was living my best life. It wasn’t much but it was great. I went from paycheck to paycheck, and when times got tough and I got kicked out of one place, I knew I could couch surf until things got better. The guys have always had my back. Then we got big and, I swear to God, the first time I heard a song—our song—on the radio, I partied for a week straight, no sleep, booze and drugs, tons of sex, a week of solid celebration.”
He took a moment. “But no one tells you how it is. People start to like you, you sign bigger deals, you get paid an obscene amount and the pressure is on. I mean that. You gotta be publicized, you gotta churn out songs, and you gotta stay relevant. And, Emmy—” He sounded weary. “—it’s fucking tiring.”
That surprised me. Connor always looked like he was having a blast doing what he did.
He went on, “It’s like this. Release an album, go on tour, live on little to no sleep while groupies throw themselves at you and you fuck till your dick’s raw because it’s expected, not because you actually want to.” I heard him swallow hard. “So, when you ask me what I’m afraid of and I say everything, I’ve never uttered a truer statement in my life.” I kept my mouth shut and was gifted more. “I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of letting people down. I’m afraid of waking up ten years from now never having had a meaningful relationship in my life. Which is probably for the best because I know who I am and I would probably make her miserable.” He snuffled a laugh. “Somehow, I’d make her hate me. When it comes to women, I’m real good at that.” A short moment passed and, his tone quiet, he turned solemn. “I’m afraid of becoming an addict again. That one scares me the most.” A pause, then, “I’m always one weak moment away from that.”
Whoa.
I had no idea.
“I’m so tired.” He lay back and let out a drowsy, “I’m just gonna rest my eyes a sec, okay?”
My response was gentle. “Okay, sweetie.”
Not a minute later, his steady breathing told me he was asleep. Without a word, I got up and removed his shoes. When that didn’t make him stir, I tugged at the blanket, trying to work it out from under his prone body. It took a while but I got there. With a sad sigh, I climbed in beside him and pulled the covers up over us. As I did, he rolled my way, slid his hand up the front of my tank, and grasped my bare breast. Eyes wide, I put both my hands up as if I were under arrest. But Connor put his forehead to my chest and mumbled out a groggy, “I’m not asleep. Just resting.”