Total pages in book: 42
Estimated words: 38466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 192(@200wpm)___ 154(@250wpm)___ 128(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 38466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 192(@200wpm)___ 154(@250wpm)___ 128(@300wpm)
Deacon was a strong man physically. Now that he explained what happened, about his traumatic childhood, she could slowly understand why he acted the way he did.
The roughness during sex, the animalistic way he held himself. She had just met him. But those things had been clear as day. It made sense now, especially with his destroyed childhood.
He had been forced to grow up in the most brutal and painful of ways.
“God, Deacon.” Tears flowed freely down her cheeks, but instead of her comforting Deacon, he pulled her into his chest and murmured into her hair. “What happened to your parents?” She wanted to cause pain to his father, the same kind he had dealt a young Deacon.
“Thayer left home right after high school. He went to college and made something of himself. He didn’t know about the abuse, but even if he did, there wasn’t anything he could have done. Our father was a large man and incredibly strong given his age.”
He inhaled deeply against her hair.
“The year I turned twenty-five is the year they died in a car accident. The abuse had ended well before then. I was larger than my father, and when he tried to lay a hand on me I made it clear he would never do it again. I was finished with him. That was the last conversation I had with him before he died.”
Deacon moved his hands methodically over her back in a soothing manner.
“I can’t even tell you the relief I felt when I got the news he died. But with that relief came the guilt. Despite the abuse from my father and the ignorance from my mother, I felt the desolation that had woven its way into my life seem to dwindle. It was still there, but I thought maybe I could beat it.”
“Deacon—”
“Let me finish, baby.” She lifted her head, and he cupped her face, brushing away her tears with his thumbs. “I can be uncontrollable at the best of times. I’m filled with a lot of rage, and most days it’s hard for me to deal with it. That’s why I built the cabin away from others. If I didn’t have Thayer here to ground me, to keep me stable…”
His thumbs brushed along her cheekbones, his gaze steady as he spoke.
“I’d go crazy.” He brushed his lips against hers. “I would never hurt you, though. Ever.” He said it with steely determination.
She didn’t doubt his words for one minute.
“Since you came into my life I’ve felt calmness settle into my body, my soul.” His lips met hers in a heart-wrenching kiss. “I want you. Thayer wants you.” His gaze penetrated hers. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”
She thought she did, but she shook her head instead.
“We want you with us, Jessa. We want you to be with both of us, to be ours.” Mouth gone dry, she searched his face for the truth in his words. “Tell me you want that, Jessa.”
God, maybe she was stupid for even playing with the idea in her head, but she so wanted that. This thing between them was fast and crazy, and maybe a bad idea, but she so wanted that, from both of them.
“Yes, Deacon, I want that.” He crushed his mouth to hers, and their tongues slid along one another.
The kiss was hard and demanding and filled with so much passion. The only thing missing was Thayer. She wanted his brother there, wanted his hands on her, stroking her body the same way.
“Let’s go, Deacon.” He kissed her for another along moment, and then he pulled away, breathing hard.
The desire was written on his face, and she felt it down to her toes.
“I want the three of us to be together.” She meant that in more ways than one, and by the way his eyes flashed, Jessa knew he understood her.
They drove back to the cabin, their hands clasped together the whole time. She no longer sat in the passenger seat, but instead sat beside him in the center.
With her head on his shoulder and the serene nature surrounding her, she finally let herself see a future she knew she deserved.
The cabin came into view, and anticipation and nervousness pulsed through her. Knowing Thayer was just beyond those walls had the lust that simmered inside of her rising like a tsunami.
She could hear the tires crunching on the snow, and the noise sounded so incredibly loud, or maybe wasn’t coming from outside at all. Maybe the sound came from her pounding heart? When the truck turned off she didn’t wait for the silence to descend around her.
What she wanted to do, what she imagined in her mind, seemed dirty, but she knew it was far from the truth. She had never wanted to do something so wanton, so brave.
Walking hand-in-hand, she let Deacon lead the way. The house filled with silence when they entered. She let go of Deacon’s hand and shut the door behind her.