Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 116254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Again, Kai averted his gaze. Appeared to force a shrug. “It’s a re-bonding period. Designed specifically to make a sub feel special.”
He was dodging. Breck could sense it. “But I’m not your sub.”
“I was pretending you were, though. Remember?” Kai met his gaze sharply. “Because that’s what you wanted, just like the time before. For us to act out your little fantasy and make believe it was real.”
Fuck. Breck deserved that, but still… “So, what, are you’re saying the way you treated me was no different than the way you’d treat other guys?” He just… He just couldn’t believe that.
Kai shrugged a second time, but this time didn’t answer.
Aka no comment.
Which sure felt like another dodge.
Which, in turn, was just enough to give Breck a spark of hope. Time to put it all fucking out there. “The way I feel about you isn’t make believe. The way I feel about you couldn’t be more real. You’re amazing. Funny. Confident. Strong. And like nobody else, you’ve managed to see through my façade. You see me,” he pressed. “Not as an icon but an actual person. Not as a king, or a basketball star, but just a regular guy. Someone who doesn’t always have to excel. Or prove himself. Or constantly protect his status in the public eye.”
Kai smiled a little, but he still looked sad. “I’m glad, Breck. I’m glad I made you feel seen. But—”
“No.” Breck shook his head, his heart hammering. “You’re still not getting it. I realize now that that’s worth more to me than any crown. Worth even more to me than my hard-fought image.” He held Kai’s gaze, his mind resolute. “I’m gonna go public. Like now. Before the Draft. I’m done fuckin’ faking. Not doing it anymore. For real. I’m out.”
Kai stilled, looking visibly surprised. “That’s… That’s great, Breck.” And yet, he still sounded bleak. “But where we’re concerned... You’ve still got a lot of growing up to—”
“I know,” Breck admitted wholeheartedly. He stepped closer, unable to help it. “You’re right. I understand that now. I’m gonna get my act together. After Hawaii, I’m moving out of the frat house and staying with Ned for a while.” Not that Ned was the greatest influence on the planet, but compared to that party pad, he almost looked like a saint. “And I’m gonna stop drinking. Flat-out, cold fucking turkey. Shit, I’ll even go to AA if I have to. No more messing around.”
Kai looked shocked by that, and maybe even a little bit hopeful, yet his overall expression remained that of someone still wary to let down his guard. “That’s a promising start, I’ll admit. And I’m proud of you. But… I need more than that. Amidst all these changes, I need to know where your heart is at. Still solely focused on a future in the limelight? Because—”
“It’s with you,” Breck blurted. “It always has been, since the first day we met.”
That confession seemed to give Kai pause. And yet, goddamn it, he still looked apprehensive.
“Look, I know our history’s been crazy, but I swear, I wanna do things right this time. Just tell me how.”
Eyes pensive, Kai held his gaze. “You’ve got to figure that out for yourself.”
Breck quieted, digging deep for what Kai needed. The words to prove that he’d changed, and that what they had was still worth fighting for. This was his one chance, a three pointer from half court as the buzzer’s going off.
Heart racing, he grappled to organize his thoughts, then just let it all flow without any barriers or reservations. “It’s always been about acceptance from others. Earning their approval, their respect, their love. But I understand now that I have to… I have to start getting that love from myself. Enough so that I no longer care what the outside world thinks. I don’t need their fuckin’ validation. Only my own. And then I can finally treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
Kai stared at him, looking kind of speechless. Like he hadn’t expected those words to ever come from Breck’s mouth.
“I’m sorry for being so self-absorbed,” Breck murmured. “I’m sorry I made it all about me.”
Silence ticked by.
Emotions churned in Kai’s eyes. Emotions that, to Breck’s frustration, he couldn’t discern.
All he could do was just stand there, vulnerable and exposed.
Out of nowhere, he found himself sinking to his knees, although why he deemed he should do this, he wasn’t sure. His heart was guiding him though, and he was determined to trust it. A final attempt to relay the way he felt.
Lump growing in his throat, he extended his arms to the sides, then gazed up at Kai and uttered the words he never thought he’d speak. “I take off my crown for you, Kai. It’s gone.”
A conflicted groan emitted in Kai’s throat. “I don’t want you to take off your crown.”