Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 55108 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 276(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55108 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 276(@200wpm)___ 220(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Her lips quiver. “I didn’t mean to love Zina more than you! But you were gone. I never thought I’d see you again. And she’s the only mother I ever knew.” She sobs, her shoulders shaking. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know!” She looks up at me, anguished. “I still need her.”
I go to her without hesitation and gather her up. She’s so different from my halfling toddler; bonier, taller. Her face has angles and her eyes have pain and wariness. But she’s mine, my flesh and blood, my own girl.
“We’ll make this work,” I whisper, as I rock her. She leans into me, relaxing maybe for the first time since she arrived. “I love you. I never stopped loving you. If you want… Zina”—I force myself to say her name—“then I’ll let you be with her. It’s all right.”
It’s not all right. I need my daughter to want me. To love me. But there’s no other option.
“I want you too. I mean, I want to want you.” She shudders. “I’m so broken. This will never get fixed.” Her whole body shakes. “I can’t handle this!”
And suddenly I’m her mother again, just like that. I know I can right this for her, too. It’s my job.
“It will get fixed.” I tip her chin up and look at her pretty face. Those eyes, I know them. They’re my eyes, looking back at me. “I promise. And you can handle this. We humans are fierce and we don’t give up. I never gave up wanting you and looking for you. You didn’t know it, but I was out there thinking of you every single planet rotation.”
“You were?” She sniffs.
“Yes.” I take a breath. “Even after I mated Daneth and found happiness, part of me was with you at all times. Every single second.”
“I thought about you, too.” She hiccups. “But I felt bad, because it was so long ago and I didn’t remember you.” She starts to leak tears again. “I was a bad daughter.”
“No!” You were amazing, and you’re even more so, now.” I want with every fiber of my being to convince her of this. “There’s no way you could have remembered me, because they took you away when you were just planet rotations old. But you survived. You’re here. And you’re loved.”
“I am?” Her voice is so hopeful that it breaks my heart.
“I want you to know that. Even if you were alone, you were loved. And I’m so glad that Zina was there to help you through it. She’s a miracle, just like you. And starting this planet rotation, we’re going to go see her. You can spend as much time with her as you want.” My voice doesn’t even crack as I say these words. All I can do is hope it’s the right thing, and that Enya will come back to me if I set her free.
I can tell these were the right words because she falls back into my body and wraps her arms around me as she cries and cries. I hold her without speaking, just letting her sob, letting her know that I’m here for her. I’m not going away. And I’ll give her whatever she needs.
Chapter 10
Zina
“Oh, Zina!”
It’s my friend Kara. I first met her with Mirelle and Cambry, when we ate oranges and I cried about Tarek.
“Hi.” I adjust my satchel on my shoulder. “I’m just on my way to the, ah, nav dome. Training, you know.” I point to the building in front of me, adrenaline surging. “My second session, in fact.”
I push away the guilt over taking his time away from real, more talented candidates. Tarek didn’t tell me not to come, specifically. In fact, I remember exactly what he said: “Come in three planet rotations if you want.”
So that technically means I’m still on his roster, right? That’s what I’m going with, anyway. After all, standard protocol is a set of five sessions for initial nav testing plus placement.
“I’m testing for nav.” It sounds so insane, and I try not to roll my eyes at myself.
“So I’ve heard.” She raises a brow.
“What exactly, did you hear?” I chew the inside of my lower lip, trying not to look too anxious. “And, from whom?”
She starts to answer, but the toddler on her hip interrupts, waving one tiny purple fist, his other hand hanging tightly to his mother’s shoulder fabric. “I want to play!” he screams.
She scoots him up in her arms and drops a kiss on top of his smooth head. “We have to do some things first, Braxton.”
His screams increase in volume and he kicks at the parcel in her hand. “Sweetling, we’ve been over this.” Her voice is tired. I notice rings under her eyes.
“May I try?” Automatically, I reach out to take him.
She snorts. “Be my guest. Maybe you’re the magic we need. He won’t listen to a thing I say.” But she gives him right over with a trust that makes me smile. Whatever she’s overheard about my tactical expertise, or lack thereof, she shares that sense human females have for each other: I can trust you. You’re safe.