Total pages in book: 225
Estimated words: 218500 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1093(@200wpm)___ 874(@250wpm)___ 728(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 218500 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1093(@200wpm)___ 874(@250wpm)___ 728(@300wpm)
“If you’re gonna be…” I tilt my head. “You? This… this is just all about you, is it? Do you realize you’re bullying me into doing something that’s out of character for me and you want me to hurry up and do it so that you can figure out if you’re okay with it?”
He looks away with remorse before he responds. “And you. You’ve gotta figure out if you’re okay with it, too. It’s late. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Come back to bed. I’m sorry, okay?”
“No. Let’s talk about it now,” I amend. “I wanna know… what was all that when I got home? The playfulness. The sweet kiss. The ass swat. Was that all for show? For the guys? Not for me?”
He says nothing, just grinds his teeth.
“Yeah. That there?” I point at him. “That behavior tonight when I got home after being gone for forty-eight hours? That’s the kind of thing I’d be happy with. A nice kiss. Playfulness. Looking at me like I’m more than your fucking roommate.”
He looks like I’ve struck him. The pain etched into his features hurts me, too. “So… you want me to fake it?”
I huff. “Wow, Adam. Just wow.”
“Explain yourself, Chloe.”
“You faked it tonight for them, you can’t fake it once in a blue moon for me? Sadly, though, I wouldn’t call it faking it. I’d call it trying to be supportive, affectionate, and caring to your partner. Trying to give them some intimacy. But what do I know, right? I’m the selfish one. Right? Because I want to feel wanted. Because I didn’t run out and cheat the minute you gave me permission like a goddamn machine.”
He shakes his head with disgust. “You don’t know what I’m going through. You can’t possibly imagine what I’m going through, Chloe.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I’ve tried really hard, Adam, but I can’t know what you’re going through. All I know is that I’ve been trying really hard to be everything you want, everything you need, everything I think I’d want if I were the one in your position. And that’s all I can keep doing. I know you’re still going through it and I’m not trying to add to your stress, which is why I told you to forget the whole thing. Why I apologized to you for the vibrator incident. I fucked up. And I apologize for it.”
“But I’ve told you… I’ve told you that I don’t want to fake it. I need to wrap my head around how my life’s gonna be. And I want you beside me for it. I do. I want that as much as I did before.”
“Do you?” I ask, tearfully, feeling like my chest is about to cave in.
“Absolutely. I love you.”
“I love you, too. But I don’t need to cheat on you. I just need you to put in a little effort with me. I know it’s hard with all you’ve got going on, but I’m just asking for a little bit of effort.”
“Please, honey,” he pleads, “Try. Try it my way. Use the hall pass sometime in… say… the next two weeks. If you can, if you find someone to do that with, we’ll talk about it again in two weeks. Two weeks from tonight, you tell me you’ve done it and then we’ll both take the week after that to see how we feel about it. See how we both feel about setting a wedding date.”
I say nothing. Because he’s still pushing despite everything I’ve said. And it hurts. It hurts and it’s confusing.
“Deal?” he asks. “I’m not trying to bully you into doing something you don’t want. I think that if you can get over the idea of it meaning you’re a cheater you’ll see it could be the answer. I’ve thought about it a lot and I think it could work for us.”
I stare at him for a long moment through the tears in my eyes.
He waits while my heart twists up in knots.
“My parents have an open marriage,” he blurts.
I’m taken aback.
“Dad cheated. They almost split up. She wanted to work it out. He told her he couldn’t promise he’d be faithful. Asked her to leave the marriage open. He told me he was ninety-nine per cent sure she didn’t fool around with anyone. He also told me not feeling trapped with one person made it so he only occasionally stepped out. He said it saved their marriage. He loved her even more once they changed things up. Can you think about it? I know you’ve tried hard to put me first and I’m not trying to bully you. I’m trying to hold onto you. Think about it?”
I blow out a long breath.
“Deal?” he asks.
“I’ve thought about it. I’m still thinking about it,” I whisper.
“Try? Please try it my way.”