Total pages in book: 225
Estimated words: 218500 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1093(@200wpm)___ 874(@250wpm)___ 728(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 218500 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1093(@200wpm)___ 874(@250wpm)___ 728(@300wpm)
Josh pushes the wheelchair my father is in. He’s in it just temporarily and despite his casts and arm sling with his other visible injuries, he still looks ten feet tall. Nothing frail about the man. His eyes are hard as they lock on the fire lily-covered casket.
He was released from the hospital yesterday, but didn’t come down for the family meal last night. I haven’t seen him since I left the hospital, shortly after he regained consciousness.
The first thing he uttered was, “Shan?”
Elijah broke the news that she didn’t make it. Dad’s eyes coasted across the five of us that were there before they closed and pain flooded his face. Grace and Naomi climbed onto the edge of the bed he was in and wept, failing at trying to comfort him, but comforting one another.
It was one of the ugliest moments of my life, and I’ve had quite a few.
His next question was, “Where’s Asher?”
“He was here until a few hours ago,” Grace answered. “We’ll call him and ask him to come back.”
Our father said, “Don’t bother,” then the nurse and doctor came in and ushered us out of the room. He wanted to be alone after that, so we all went back to their local apartment.
At my father’s arrival, we all rise as he’s wheeled past our row of seats to the end, directly in front of a tall easel holding a large collage of photos beside the casket. Photos of them. Of us. Of Mom’s modeling campaigns. Childhood pictures of her that I don’t think I’ve ever seen. I know there aren’t many. My wife’s eyes are on that collage. Naomi and Josh double back and greet everyone one by one.
I catch the look of surprise in Chloe’s eyes as Naomi introduces her husband. Because Josh is a near spitting image of Asher. No tattoos, ten years older than my brother and not as fair, but he could pass for being Ash disguised with a darker wig and facial hair. This is not discussed, not since Thad died. Thad made cracks every chance he got, enraging Naomi who categorically denied the resemblance.
I’m vaguely aware of movement in my periphery as the crowd thickens behind the velvet ropes. Still no Ash.
Snow begins to fall in fat flakes as the man who presided over their vow renewal stands at the podium beside the casket and talks about my mother as if he knew her well.
I pay no attention to the words he says. Instead, I think about the people that need to pay for this. My father, due to his arrogance. Maybe also my brother Eli due to his negligence in letting his enemies fuck with him repeatedly. Though I guess I can relate somewhat as I know his resistance to dealing with that problem sooner involves his wife.
Eli has moved his wife back into their home to keep her safe, against her wishes. He also arranged today’s security and went over the details at the dinner Grace arranged last night. Eli said this team had the cemetery reconned yesterday and that there would be twenty-five skilled security team members guarding the event. Jonah and I both argued we shouldn’t have it out in the open, in public. That it would be better to have it in a church. Eli and Grace had met with Dad just before dinner and said he insisted we have the funeral Mom would have wanted.
“Go ahead, seat everyone,” Grace says to Carson who is leaning over her, whispering.
Grace is stuffing her phone under her thigh, looking irritated. But I almost immediately see a flash of relief on her face and follow her gaze to Ash, standing under a tree near our grandmother’s headstone. He’s unshaven, hands in his pockets, and with the same pained look on his face as when I saw him in New York.
I heard Grace fighting with him on the phone this morning, warning that if he didn’t come not only would he never be forgiven, would never forgive himself.
He’s even wearing a suit.
I see Naomi has spotted him, too. They’re staring at one another. Naomi’s chin quivers and she tries to keep it together. They were so close when they were kids. Inseparable. I wonder if this tragedy will help them get over their beef. Looking at how they regard one another right now, I think it might be possible. I know Ash misses her, but Naomi is stubborn in her grudge-holding.
It’s odd; I don’t generally ponder shit like this. Don’t generally give a fuck. Maybe my wife is rubbing off on me after all.
But whether Ash and Naomi repair their relationship or not, this family is not only fucked, it’ll be beyond fractured after this. Without our mother there won’t be much reason for us all to be in the same room. My father won’t organize family dinners and holiday celebrations. Grace will try to be the glue, will try to carry on the way she knows our mother would have wanted, but looking at Ash and Naomi now looking away from one another, I’m sure I’m not the only one with no desire to keep playing the game.