Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
After I’d done as much research as I could, I’d started to look for therapists who specifically dealt with survivors of conversion therapy. It wasn’t something I’d approached Theo about, but if and when we had that conversation, I wanted every resource at my disposal to make sure he got the help he needed.
I knew that was another conversation that was a long way off and I was okay with that. I would wait for however long it took for Theo to decide how he wanted to move forward with his recovery. That was assuming he would even want to get help someday. Despite him seeming more at ease in the past few days, I knew his subconscious was still reliving the fear of Father Abbott finding him and returning him to The Tower. I knew it because in his sleep, Theo would cry out many of the words he’d most certainly screamed as he’d been tortured. Thankfully, I’d been there to either wake him up or try and calm him down with soft words reminding him he was safe in the hopes that he'd settle without waking up.
I hadn’t expected that Theo would want to share my bed with me beyond the night he’d told me about what had been done to him, but that was exactly what had happened. He’d still go to his own room after saying good night to whoever was still up and about, but by the time I got to my own room after doing my last check on Walter, Theo was always already in my bed. He’d been awake each night, but we hadn’t spoken as I’d gotten into the bed, and I’d let him determine our sleeping positions. So far, he always went to sleep with his back pressed against my front and my arm around his waist. Every morning I’d awoken to him snuggled up against my side with his head on my chest and the palm of his hand pressed flat right where my heart was.
“This is it,” I said softly so I wouldn’t startle Theo, who’d been staring out the window for the entire car ride. I was glad when he didn’t flinch or tense up in response to my words. Instead, he straightened in the seat a little and then sent me a soft smile.
“Remember, you don’t need to meet anyone if you don’t want. We can just check out the different habitats and leave whenever you’re ready,” I said as I parked the car in front of the small office building. There were no other cars in the lot but that was the way I’d wanted it, so I’d specifically asked the owners of the wildlife sanctuary if we could come by after hours.
“Okay,” Theo responded.
I tried to get out of the car fast enough that I could open Theo’s door for him, but the best I could do was hold out my hand to help him out of the vehicle. It wasn’t like he actually needed the help; it was just an excuse to touch him.
I fully expected him to release my hand once he was upright, but he surprised me when he held on to it.
And kept holding it as we began to walk to the sanctuary’s entrance.
I managed to keep my cool on the outside, but inside I was doing cartwheels because it was the first time Theo had held my hand since the morning we’d walked back to the house just before the incident with Sawyer’s ex.
It was probably something Theo wasn’t really even aware of, but to me it was like I’d just won the top trophy of every sporting event that had ever existed.
Even if it was a small victory, it was a victory nonetheless, and I was desperate for every single one I could get.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
THEO
My heart was doing little flip-flops as Lincoln continued to hold my hand while we made our way to where the habitats presumably were. I’d had a million chances to take his hand in the past few days, especially during our walks to and from our spot by the stream and while we visited with Nacho. But I’d been too much of a coward to reach for his strong fingers and since he’d shown no interest in any kind of physical contact, I’d always chickened out. I couldn’t really blame him because why in the hell would he want to hold my hand after everything I’d told him about my time at The Ranch and, more specifically, what had been done to me in The Tower?
The last few days had felt like I was living in some kind of alternate reality. I’d felt calmer than I had in a really long time, and I wasn’t itching to escape the small family of men who knew at least one of my secrets, if not more. I wasn’t sure how much Cam or Ford had told the others, but I also found that I didn’t care. Even if I wanted to hide it, I couldn’t. Not anymore. As soon as I’d made the decision to talk to Cam, I’d outed myself in a way.