Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99949 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
I wanted him to kiss me.
I wanted him to tell me everything would be okay.
I wanted him to tell me he was done with me.
I wanted anything that would put an end to the numbness that was building inside of me. I automatically began snapping the hair tie around my wrist.
“When did you put that back on your wrist?” Lincoln asked.
It was the last question I was expecting. “Last night,” I responded. “After we got back from our drive.”
“Why?”
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“Why did you put it on if yesterday made you feel like the person you used to be?”
“Because it hurt,” I whispered. “It hurt to know I couldn’t be him anymore. That I couldn’t be him for you.”
“Yesterday wasn’t the day I fell in love with you, Theo,” Lincoln said harshly. “The day we kissed for the first time wasn’t the day I fell in love with you. I fell in love with you the day you found me sitting by the stream that first time. Do you remember?”
I didn’t even manage a nod because my chest felt like it was going to explode. He loved me? He couldn’t love me. He didn’t know me. Not the real me. I opened my mouth to tell him so, but he kissed me before I could say anything. He kept the kiss tame, but I was still breathless when he pulled his mouth from mine. His lips were just inches away.
“You could tell I was upset about something, but you didn’t press me to tell you what. You talked to me. You stayed when I asked you to. You held my hand when I needed you to. You told me I was a terrible liar. Even though you were still angry with me because you thought I was like all the other assholes who judged your reactions to your scars, you stayed… you were worried about me. You didn’t try to force me to talk about it, though.”
“Lincoln, you—”
He kissed me again to shut me up. When he broke the kiss, he gruffly said, “My turn to talk.”
My brain was screaming at me that the sweet, gentle, amazing man in front of me had it all wrong and if he knew the truth, he wouldn’t be saying such things. But my heart was a different story. Who knew hope lived in the heart? At least it did for me because everything about him, his words, his kiss, his eyes—they were all making my heart ignore my brain.
“That day was Rabbit’s birthday,” Lincoln said softly.
“And the day he died,” I responded gently. I could still remember holding Lincoln in my arms as he’d cried the following day after telling me the details of Rabbit’s life and death.
“I wasn’t in a good place that day, Theo. I’ve spent that anniversary alone every year since I lost him. I never told anyone about it, and my father doesn’t call me—he never has. My stepmother, on the other hand, calls on that day every year to remind me that I’m a murderer and I should be rotting in prison.”
Lincoln paused and dropped his eyes. I knew he was fighting to get control of his emotions, so I reached my hand out to cup his cheek. Several long seconds passed before he turned his head and pressed a kiss to my palm.
“If it had been anyone else who’d shown up that day, I would have let them go after they got the hint that I wasn’t in a talking mood. But you… you were different. I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to have to break my promise. When I saw that it was you, I needed your strength. While I was treating you for that infection, I saw the marks on your back. You couldn’t have done them yourself. They were just further proof of what a strong man you are. And I know what some of those conversion camps do to ‘fix’ people like us. You survived that too.”
I shook my head. “Lincoln, I can’t—”
“Do you remember that first night after you arrived? When I found you in the bathroom? You were already pretty sick at that point. I wanted to take you to a hospital, but you refused. You didn’t want my help either. I forced you to choose, do you remember?”
“I chose you,” I confirmed.
“You may have been forced to choose me that night, but that day by the stream wasn’t a choice for me. Falling in love with you wasn’t a choice. I knew in my gut that you were the one I’d been searching for my whole life. I knew you were strong enough to help me carry the burden of what I’d done. I knew you wouldn’t let me drown under the weight of all that guilt and grief. And you didn’t, baby. You made me think about things that I hadn’t even considered. You didn’t dismiss what I felt and tell me to move on. You made it okay for Rabbit to be a part of my life even though he’s gone. I hear him now, Theo. Sometimes I think I even feel him. All I’d wanted to do was forget but you made me want to remember.”