Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 84085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 420(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“No, I…” Charlie shoved a hand through his hair and stared at the floor for a second. “Things happened so fast the other night. I didn’t ask—”
“You didn’t ask because you didn’t care,” Will shot back.
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t care if you were dating someone or married. I know that makes me an asshole and a dirtbag, but when it comes to you, I don’t care.”
“Then why ask now?”
“Because I don’t want you to have any regrets when it comes to me.”
Will crossed to the other side of the room, putting as much distance as he could between them while Charlie remained near the door, guarding his only exit. He wasn’t going to let Will run from him.
“Charlie,” he whispered on a sigh, and it felt like a knife was slicing through his heart. “I feel like regrets are all we have left.”
“That’s not true.” Charlie surged away from the door, closing the space between them. He grabbed Will’s shoulders, forcing him to turn to face him. “I don’t regret our time together. Those memories are some of the best times of my life. The only thing I’ve regretted is walking out your apartment door that night. A hundred times I told myself to turn around, to go back.”
“Why didn’t you?” Will roared. He shoved Charlie hard. “Why—” he started to repeat, but the rest fell away when his voice broke. He sucked in a loud, harsh breath like he was fighting tears and violently shook his head. “No. Doesn’t matter. None of it matters. It’s the past.”
“It does matter.” He stepped close and grabbed Will’s wrists, holding them gently when the smaller man attempted to shove him away. “It matters. I was selfish and greedy when we were in Paris. I knew you were getting attached, and I should have warned you. Should have walked away months before it ended to try to spare you the pain, but I couldn’t let you go.”
“It would have hurt no matter when you left me. Twelve months, six months, that first night. It was always going to hurt,” Will confessed, cutting off another chunk of Charlie’s heart.
He leaned his head forward and brushed the lightest kiss across his forehead. “I’m sorry. I have never wanted to hurt you. Our time…you…you were always my joy.”
Will lifted tear-soaked eyes to him. “Tell me the truth. You owe me that. Why did you leave that night? Was it because of the CIA? Or…or was it me—”
Charlie’s breath caught in his throat for a moment at the idea that Will ever thought he was the reason for Charlie’s departure. He jerked him tightly into his arms and rested his cheek on the top of his head. Squeezing his eyes shut against the sudden burn of unshed tears, Charlie just held him until he could speak past the lump in his throat.
“No, baby. No. It was the CIA. Work kept us apart. I couldn’t tell you, and I couldn’t leave them. The lives of my team depended on me. I—” He stopped suddenly and mentally swore at himself. He wasn’t being truthful with Will or himself. Releasing the love of his life, he gently pushed him back far enough to look into Will’s eyes. “No, it wasn’t just work. I was scared. Being with you scared the shit out of me.”
Will’s brow furrowed, confusion filling his bright-blue eyes. “I don’t understand. Why?”
“No one had ever consumed me the way you did. I was forty-fucking-six, and you were the first person in my entire life that I loved completely. I was ready to chuck all my responsibilities, my career, everything out the window and just follow you through life like a lost puppy. It scared me. I was afraid of losing myself. Afraid of losing you. Walking away meant returning to the life that had always made me happy. It meant that I was still in control, but it was all a lie.” Charlie cupped the side of Will’s face and wiped away a tear with his thumb. “I regretted leaving you the second I walked out the door.”
“You loved me?” his sweet Will asked in a quavering voice.
Charlie nearly laughed. Out of everything he’d said, that was what Will had heard—but then, it really was the most important part. “I loved you in Paris. I have never stopped loving you. I love you now.”
Will squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “No.” He stopped and cleared his throat. “It’s enough to know that you loved me in Paris. That I wasn’t alone. But you can’t love me now. You don’t know me. We’ve both changed so much in the past six years. We’re not the same people.”
Charlie grinned, his heart giving the first hope-filled thump in several minutes. “You’re right. We don’t know each other anymore. Yet, in just the past few days, I can tell you’re still the same stubborn, passionate, hotheaded person with the enormous heart that I fell in love with. You’re still brilliant, selfless, and determined. You won’t let anyone stop you when it comes to doing what you believe is the right thing. No amount of danger or threats will stop you.”