Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 100476 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100476 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
“Cal,” she whispers.
Pulling away, I leave her a panting mess on the bed. “I’m sorry.”
Charlotte
I’m stunned.
Simultaneously turned on and horrified at my behavior. The things we got up to in that bathroom weren’t right. They were somehow worse than the stuff Ryan and I did, but this time, I felt like I was in control. I had the power to stop it. I did stop it, after Cal’s begging, and he made love to me like he treasured me.
So why do I feel sick to my stomach?
He seemed disgusted at himself, which makes me disgusted at myself. I don’t know if I’m supposed to comfort him or give him his space.
The shower turns on and I decide the space will only create a division I don’t want. I want to feel close to him. We need to talk about this. Clear the air. Make things right. Sliding out of the bed, I wince at the pain in my ass. Everything’s sore, but in a good way. As I walk to the bathroom, his cum runs out of me, coating my thighs with his essence. There’s something incredibly primal about the way he took me. I loved it. So why does he seem to hate it?
He’s already in the shower by the time I make it into the bathroom. I pull back the curtain to find his head bowed as he stands beneath the spray of the water. My heart twists painfully. I feel like I’ve hurt him somehow. Broken him in a way that’s unfixable. I step into the shower and wrap my arms around him from behind, resting my cheek on his back.
“I knew this would happen,” he mutters. “I’m too fucked up with you. I want…”
I release him, stepping around him so I can get under the spray with him and face him. Tilting my head up, I look at his gorgeous face. “What do you want?”
His green eyes darken. “To hurt you. After all the shit you went through with Ryan, it’s the last thing you need.”
“But it’s what I want,” I argue, frowning at him.
“But it’s fucked up,” he snaps. “You’re fucked up, Charlotte.”
“So?” I bite out. “It’s better than the alternative.”
Perfect lips curl into a cruel, hateful smile that makes me flush. “What’s the alternative?”
“Breaking. I would rather be fucked up, warped beyond belief, than to be broken. I refuse to be broken.”
“You’re letting me break you,” he growls. “You want me to do it. Begged for it.”
I shove him back, putting distance between us. “It’s different with you. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that. It’s mutual. I consent to it. You’re just as fucked up as me. That’s why we fit.”
He steps forward, his hand gripping my throat. “We’re not supposed to fit. Two fucked up people need to stay far away from each other because someone will get hurt.”
“I can handle it!” I shriek. “Ryan put his hands on me so many times. He hurt me and made me cry. I hated every second of it. Now you’re acting like I’m some weak, delicate flower. I am not fucking weak!”
I’ve begun to sob, which argues that fact, much to my horror.
His thumb strokes my throat. “I’m worried about you hurting me, Charlie girl.”
“You’re untouchable, Hoodlum.”
“Not physically,” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “I’m afraid you’re going to rip my fucking heart and soul out. That I’ll be left an empty husk when you finish with me. I’ve lost so much because of Terrence. If I lose much more, I won’t be me anymore.”
Guilt chokes me. I tremble, wanting to break our stare so he doesn’t see it. I’ve said I was sorry countless times, but it’ll never feel like enough.
“Cal,” I murmur. “I won’t hurt you. I’m not the villain you think I am.”
“And I’m no hero.”
I hold his stare until the tension bleeds away. Slowly, his features soften and the amused smirk he wears so well twitches at his lips.
“You fucked my thumb, English.” He laughs, boyish and cute. “Kinky bitch.”
I arch an eyebrow and cock out a hip. “Guess now you’ll have a new appreciation for the thumbs-up emoji.”
His grin is wolfish. “Indeed.”
I stand on my toes, kissing his mouth. “Are we good?”
“Yeah, loser, we’re good.”
I wake in the middle of the night to hot kisses on my breasts. A smile tugs at my lips. Last night, after our shower talk, we fell into bed naked and contemplative. He held me close, like if he let up, I might run away. It felt good to be pressed up against his chest. Safe and warm. I fell asleep easily in his arms.
I’m not sleepy at all. Not with Cal’s devilish mouth trailing along my stomach. He lingers, kissing the flesh softly. I hold my breath wishing he’d move on. It’s like he can see inside my mind. Wonders about my sudden tension. Whenever he touches my stomach, it makes me think of what I lost.