Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84200 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84200 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
I brush my thumbs over her cheekbones, a faint smile filtering through the worry. “You forget… I knew Mitch too. Knew him well. Without a doubt, I know he would want you to be happy.”
“So let’s not worry about what other people think.”
I lean down and brush my lips over hers. “It’s not that easy, Dani. If it was just me and you living in a different reality, I wouldn’t think twice about it. But I’m a Titan and part of what makes this team successful is the underlying respect and loyalty that we have for each other. Look at Bain and Kiera… they’re two consenting adults and should be able to do whatever the hell they want, but it’s going to cause a major ripple if they’re caught. Drake will be livid, and it will change the team dynamic. I don’t know if I can risk doing that to my teammates. It only takes one or two of them to look at me and you and say we’re wrong and that I’ve stabbed Mitch in the back. And if that happens, everything we’ve worked so hard for could be in jeopardy. I know that sounds dramatic, but you’ve been in this community long enough to know that what I’m saying is true.”
Danica closes her eyes as if she’s trying to process the onslaught of worry I’ve unloaded on her. When she opens them again, they’re filled with understanding. “I never thought of it that way. But I do see what you’re saying. So, what do we do?”
Dropping my hands, I turn my head and nod toward the door. “You can tell me to leave. You can tell me it’s over.”
Danica shakes her head. “Not an option.”
My knees almost buckle from the relief of those three words. “Then I say we hold the course, see where this thing goes, and we’ll figure out what to do as we go along. But we keep this to ourselves.”
I can tell by her expression that she’s not actually on board with this. In its crudest fashion, I’m essentially asking her to be my secret side piece. I’m denying her the ability to be a full part of my life and I hate myself for it.
But not enough to leave her alone.
CHAPTER 22
Camden
Another great game under my belt. No goals, but I got an assist and also single-handedly stopped a breakaway—cleanly and without penalty—to make sure we stayed ahead to win the game. I felt in control, my mind connected to the game and a fire in my belly that’s been absent for longer than I care to admit.
Knowing that Danica and Travis were in the crowd watching at my invitation produced more nuanced feelings. My adrenaline pumped knowing they were cheering me on, but I also worried that it might have been too much pressure on them.
They came to watch Mitch at almost all of his home games, and while I know they’ve been to a few games this season, it’s not a huge part of their lives. I’m not sure if I complicate this for them. Danica and I are lovers. Travis and I have become friends and he looks up to me. Are they feeling disloyal to Mitch today? Or are they thinking about him at all?
Danica would tell me we’re sharing space—the good memories of Mitch and the current memories with me. It’s still all very confusing, but the one thing I’m proud of is that I pushed those thoughts out of my head when I stepped onto the ice. Until that final buzzer sounded, I didn’t worry about Danica and our illicit relationship, or whether I’m trying to be something to Travis I shouldn’t be, or even the worst thought that sometimes plagues me about whether I can ever measure up to Mitch.
Of course, now that the game is over and I’m heading out to meet Danica and Travis at a popular restaurant that specializes in great burgers and even better milkshakes, those insecurities are creeping in. But I let them float about my mind because I have to deal with them, and one thing Danica has taught me is that it does no good to push things down and ignore them. That was my mistake after the crash… trying to be like my dad and brothers. To suck it up and be strong.
It’s funny, but I’ve talked more about the crash, the losses, my emotions and feelings in the past four weeks since reconnecting with Danica than I have in the past year. I can talk about my survivor’s guilt without overwhelming panic crushing my chest. Last night after the gala, after we wore each other out in bed, we lay on our sides facing each other and talked things through. I mused about how scary and uncontrollable fate was and that you never knew when your time was up. She pointed out that fate can be kind, as it saw fit to stop me from joining my team that day. A frustrating knee injury that thoroughly pissed me off kept me off that plane.