Total pages in book: 156
Estimated words: 151044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 755(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 151044 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 755(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
“It’s called self-control and discipline. Maybe if you had some, you wouldn’t call me with a new calamity every other day.”
I drew back as if she slapped me. “Excuse me?”
“Paul’s being supportive because he knows what I want.”
“To starve?”
“I’m not starving! Plenty of cultures avoid over-indulgence. It’s one of the Dharma principles and a key factor in holistic clarity.”
“Oh, right. Like Paul’s going to be your guru on the path to some spiritual awakening. Ten bucks says he shoots his ass full of non-organic steroids every morning.”
“When did you become so judgmental?”
“When did you decide to live a life of suffering?”
“Probably about the same time I got bored with your ignorance! It’s the same thing, over and over again with you, Rayne. Not everyone wants to live their life on the merry-go-round of self-destructive coping mechanisms.”
Holy shit, she wasn’t pulling any punches. I panicked and yelled, “This isn’t about me!”
“Well, maybe it should be!”
Our voices rose, bouncing off the tile walls and ricocheting around the hollow chamber of the restroom.
“Take a pulse, Elle. You aren’t happy.”
“I’m working on myself! It takes time and discipline. Not everyone has Prince Charming on speed dial! Some of us have to figure things out for ourselves.”
“What the fuck?” Who was this woman?
“You know it’s true. You have one little hiccup and Hale comes running to your rescue.”
She had no idea the day-to-day challenges I faced that did not include Hale. Hale had nothing to do with my job or my education. He worked eighty hours a week. Most of the times it was me deciding what to do with Elara because he was on a call or in a meeting. But all of that was beside the point.
She made it sound like I was still some dumb kid making stupid choices without ever thinking about the consequences. My bowels alone could prove how much I stressed over the possible fallout in my day-to-day life. I lived in a chronic state of anxiety, worrying that things might not work out as planned, fearing that I might disappoint those I loved.
“There’s nothing wrong with having a support system. Depending on Hale from time to time doesn’t make me weak.”
“No, but marrying a Davenport has certainly blinded you to their privilege.”
I scoffed. “You were dating his brother!”
“And I got out before I became dependent on something that wasn’t mine.”
“I’m not with Hale for his money or lifestyle.”
If anything, his stature made me second guess myself. She, more than anyone, should know that.
“Maybe I do rely on Hale from time to time. So what? I’m allowed! How could you villainize me for that when my entire life has been riddled with trust issues when it comes to men? Of all people, you should be proud of me finding a partner I can rely on. Where is this resentment coming from?”
“I know you didn’t fall for him because of his money, but let’s not pretend his wealth hasn’t had an impact on your life. You never have to worry about anything ever again, Rayne. You’re set.”
“I worry all the time!”
“About dumb stuff. Do you even realize how lucky you are? How much your life and the lives of your children will change because of him?”
My eyes prickled, but I refused to cry in a restaurant bathroom. “Hale helps me because he’s going to be my husband. We’re partners. And I might be the broke one, but believe it or not, I help him too. Not everything is about money. Sometimes it’s just about love.”
She knew I was upset but made no move to comfort me. Instead, she popped her fists on her hips and looked hard at the pain she’d caused. “It doesn’t feel good, does it?”
My breath skipped as if she’d stabbed me. Was she purposefully trying to hurt me? “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about feeling judged. Having your man measured unfairly for being exactly who he is.”
Was she really trying to compare her inflated crush on Paul to what I felt for Hale? Was that even relevant? I couldn’t get past her admitting that she intentionally just tried to hurt me.
“Wow.” I didn’t recognize her. I didn’t even care why we were fighting anymore. I just wanted this to be over.
My brain flashed over a lifetime of memories. Swing sets and tree houses. Breakups and crushes. How had we gone from that to this?
I remembered painting her nails when she was in the coma. I could still feel the cannonball weight of worry I’d carried in my stomach for her during those months.
Maybe I just always loved her more than she ever loved me. “What did I do to make you so angry—”
“Oh, please, Rayne. You’re the one trying to fit us into a mold we both outgrew a long time ago. Why can’t you accept that things changed?”