Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81175 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81175 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
It felt so good that I didn’t feel guilty. I really needed that.
***
Jason sat on the other couch while the TV played. A Yankee game was on because he was a baseball fan. But he didn’t seem interested in the game. “Pearl, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah sure.” He steered clear of uncomfortable topics so I didn’t see the harm. I had the blanket on top of my legs while I rocked my pajamas and a messy bun. Jason had seen me without make up before. I used to sleep at his place all weekend.
“I found a few good therapists in the city. I looked into their experience and qualifications, and they work with victims just like yourself. Maybe you could talk to them about everything. You know…just so you have someone who understands how you feel.”
It was a sweet thing to do. Jason was just trying to help and wanted me to be happy. “That’s very nice of you but I think I’m okay.” No amount of therapy would erase what happened to me. I had to stay strong and move on. Talking about my feelings and the past would just make things worse. And if I confessed I developed strong feelings for one of my captors they would know just how crazy I was. “These things just take time.”
“I’m always here to talk if you need me. I can’t begin to understand what you went through, but I’m always here to listen.”
“I know that too, Jason.”
When he understood I wasn’t going to budge he looked at the TV again.
And we spent the night in silence.
***
“You really don’t need to leave.” Jason helped me carry one of the two boxes I possessed into my new apartment. I got a job working for a construction company and I finally had money to pay my bills. It was nice having somewhere to be in the morning. “I feel like you’re rushing it. I told you I don’t mind sharing my apartment with you.”
“I know but I need to get out on my own.”
“But you don’t even have a bed.”
“It’s next on the list,” I said with a chuckle.
“And where will you sleep tonight? On the floor?”
I hadn’t anticipated that problem. “Yeah…my back is gonna kill me tomorrow.”
“Stay at my place until you get some furniture. You aren’t overstaying your welcome. Truly.”
“You’ve done so much for me, Jason. I feel bad taking advantage of your hospitality any longer.”
“Nonsense. We’ve known each other for nearly ten years. We’re like family.”
My eyes softened. “Jason…”
“Come on. I’m not letting you stay here until there’s some decent furniture in here. If you sleep on the floor your back will go out. And last time I checked, you needed that thing.”
“Alright. You convinced me. But I suspect you just want a cook around the apartment.”
He shrugged. “Yeah…maybe.”
“Well, I’ll take one of these boxes back. I don’t need the other one.”
“Pretty soon this apartment is going to be full of stuff. And then it’ll feel like a home.”
Chapter Four
Crow
I leaned back into my chair and looked out the window. I was inside my office at the winery, but instead of working I chose to look out the window and to the vineyards beyond. I had invoices, payroll, and insurance papers to work on.
But I couldn’t concentrate.
Every time I opened a new bottle of wine, the smell didn’t make me think of pressed grapes from a good harvest. It didn’t make me think of the beautiful vineyards right outside my house. It only reminded me of one thing.
The taste of her lips.
They always possessed the sweetness of wine. Slightly bitter but slightly sweet. We always shared a bottle over dinner, so our sex reeked of it. When she panted and moaned in my face I could smell it on her breath. I could taste it from her pores.
She’d been gone for a month but it only felt like a day. I would still find her strands of hair inside my home. Buttons were scattered everywhere, some in my drawer. I hadn’t gone into her old bedroom yet because I wasn’t ready. Her clothes were still in there, along with the other little possessions she had. And her jar of buttons was still there as well.
How long would this go on?
I never missed my partners. When we went our separate ways that was the end. I didn’t usually think about them anymore. I moved onto my next conquest and got lost in the throes of passion. Sex wasn’t about the person—only the act.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I continued to sleep on one side of the bed. When I had dreams, they were always about her. I still checked her tracker constantly and waited for the signal to go out.
I noticed she moved positions during the day. From the morning to late afternoon she was across town in a building. I suspected that meant she got a job. She also wasn’t on Park Avenue anymore. She moved a few blocks over into a different neighborhood. I could only assume that meant she got her own apartment.