Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 96165 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96165 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 481(@200wpm)___ 385(@250wpm)___ 321(@300wpm)
“It’s more than that, and you know it. Yeah, I broke my word. That happened. And you’re not wrong about him being gone, much as that kills me. But that doesn’t make it any better of an idea. Can’t change that I broke a promise, but I can still do my best to do right. There’s also the job now and your family and a whole lot of other factors that make us being together long-term a losing prospect.”
Jacob didn’t see how any of that was insurmountable, but if Linc wasn’t willing, he wasn’t going to plead with him to feel shit he simply didn’t. It was one thing to beg in bed, to need Linc for that release, and another thing to become a needy brat out of bed, demanding things Linc couldn’t or wouldn’t give and building resentment on all sides.
“So? You turned down the idea of me finding a different crew, getting out of your hair.”
“Yeah.” Linc groaned like Jacob had punched him. “I did. And I’ve got reasons for that too. But I’ve been thinking...your idea about working this out of our systems, it wasn’t terrible.”
“Except for the part where it didn’t work.”
“Well, maybe we didn’t give it enough time. We’ve got an awful lot of wanting at this point. Maybe it’s going to take more than once or twice to be able to move on.”
“So you propose fucking on the down low until one of us doesn’t want to anymore?” He couldn’t keep the skepticism out of his voice.
“You make it sound crass.”
“It’s not?”
“It wasn’t in my mind. Not like that. Not like using you.” Linc managed to sound outraged and hurt at the same time, like using Jacob was simply unthinkable. “More like...using each other. Working this thing out, figuring that it’ll run its course eventually. If we can do that, maybe the rest of it will get easier—work and everything else. We can be normal around each other finally.”
Jacob snorted. They were many things around each other, but normal unaffected acquaintances probably wasn’t ever going to be it.
“And it’s not like I’m gonna be here come fall anyway.”
“What the hell? What do you mean you’re not going to be here?” Jacob pushed off the couch so he could loom over Linc for once, show him how stupid his talk was.
“I’ve been doing a ton of thinking. All winter. Maybe I miss when I was traveling around. Taking jobs as they came. I figure me and the dogs, we can find a fresh start somewhere. Maybe near one of the other air bases. Alaska even. Somewhere where it doesn’t ache so damn much.”
Jacob’s heart broke for Linc’s pain even as frustration with his logic made his muscles tense.
“Oh, well, at least you’re keeping the dogs. You’d really sell this place? After all you went through to keep it? All the shit you had to deal with about your dad’s debts? You’d just let it go?”
Linc let out a pained huff. “Too much damn baggage around here. You. Wyatt. My folks.”
“I get it. But you think it will hurt less, not being around here, and you’re wrong. You can’t outrun yourself.”
“Maybe not. But maybe I gotta try. Anything to lose this...funk. Fucking sucks.”
“You think I’m not sad? This year’s been depressing for all of us.” Maybe he hadn’t realized until this moment exactly how sad and depressed Linc likely was. And he’d do anything to take that from him, but he wasn’t sure that encouraging him to get some sort of fresh start was the answer. “But you can’t run away. And what, you’ll fuck around with me up until you pull up stakes? And you’ll hope that makes you... I dunno...immune to me or something? No more what-ifs?”
“Exactly. One way or another, it’ll burn itself out, but there’s no reason to drive ourselves crazy all summer with avoiding each other. Not when I’m leaving anyway. And you’re the one who said getting it out of our systems would help.”
“Yeah. I did.” Defeated, Jacob slumped back onto the couch, next to Linc. Was he really going to turn down more sex with Linc simply because he was pissed that Linc found him so expendable? Especially when he’d done nothing other than encourage Linc to see him that way. And if the choice was more months of tense and awkward interactions or a secret affair, was there really a choice at all? Not when he still wanted Linc so damn bad. It wasn’t like he could simply turn it off, not after this long. Linc might be able to delude himself into thinking he’d be able to walk away, unscathed and guilt-free, but Jacob knew the truth. Losing Linc was going to suck no matter when or how it happened. So he might as well enjoy it while he had it. “Fuck it. Okay. Okay. Fine. Have it your way.”