Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 167204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 557(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 167204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 557(@300wpm)
I could probably ask Hex for a ride home, but that feels unsafe, too. Maybe even more unsafe, because if I left with Hex and then something happened…
A chill shoots down my spine and I open Killian’s car door, smoothing my dress under me since my panties are torn to shreds in the woods, then pulling my legs in and shutting the door.
I’m not hurt that he forced me so much as I am pissed.
I drew a line that I could live with, that helped me sort through the before and after and get my life together now that I’m keeping him out of it, and the line I drew was that yes, he had me before her, but he wouldn’t have me after. Once he made her his, that’s when he gave up his claim on me. He couldn’t have us both.
And he hauled me over that fucking line kicking and screaming, and that’s utter bullshit.
And I still look over at him, worrying about his bleeding lip, and that’s bullshit, too.
I cross my arms and look out the window, annoyed at both of us and refusing to look at or speak to him.
He doesn’t speak, either, so it’s a long, quiet ride back to his place.
He parks in the parking garage and waits for me behind the car. He makes me walk ahead of him like a prisoner who can’t be trusted not to flee.
Once we’re in his apartment, I’m sad, because it feels more like coming home than coming back to my place ever does. Better memories flood me, and I have the most unpleasant urge to cry.
Get it together, Brynn.
I feel hollowed out inside and overly emotional at the same time as I walk to the freezer and take out a bag of frozen peas. I should throw them at him, but instead I grab a clean cloth out of the drawer to wrap around it, walk over to the seat at the edge of the counter where he’s sitting, and press the chilled bag against his mouth.
“For the swelling.”
His lips tug up slightly and his damn blue eyes twinkle. “I know. Believe it or not, I’ve been hit before.”
“I do believe that,” I mutter, hating the way my heart contracts in response to him. It’s a physical ache being this close to him, seeing that familiar twinkle in his eye.
“You want to hit me?” he teases. “You can. I deserve it.”
I give him a narrowed look and don’t bother responding.
“I’m sorry,” he says, grabbing my waist and pulling me between his spread thighs.
I keep the peas on his mouth and ignore the way my stomach drops. “Stop talking. You’re moving the… thing.”
“I don’t care.” He grabs the makeshift ice pack out of my hand and puts it down on the counter. I try to move away if he isn’t going to let me ice his lip, but he pulls me back before I can make it far. Turning me to face him, he asks seriously, “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
I shake my head, looking down.
He catches me beneath the chin, forcing me to look up at him. Then he locks an arm around my waist, cradling the side of my face with his other one. “You sure?”
I try to pull away, but his grip only tightens. “You didn’t hurt me, Killian. You pissed me off. I said no and I meant it. I made up my mind that whatever happened before, once you slept with her, you wouldn’t—”
“I haven’t slept with her.”
My heart stops and my gaze snaps to his. I stop fighting. I’m too stunned. “What?”
He shakes his head. “Why would I? I told you you’re the only one I want.”
“But… you’ve been spending time with her like a couple. You’ve been planning your wedding.”
He shrugs. “It’s an arranged marriage, Brynn, not a love match. She knows I still want you. Why would I muddy the waters by sleeping with a woman I don’t want? Why would I hurt the one I do want that way?”
My heart fills up. I never even dared to hope…
I lock my arms around his neck, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss against his cheek since I’m not sure where it hurts from all the punching.
His grip on me tightens, but this time it feels less like a prison and more like an affectionate gesture.
I hate how relieved I feel because I know this is only a temporary reprieve. If he marries her, he’s going to sleep with her, and he still isn’t mine.
It just feels like he is right now.
The way he dangles hope and then drags it away… maybe it’s cruelty more than kindness, but I lap it up like a starving kitten.
I need it now, though. I can pretend my boundaries are still intact and he hasn’t destroyed them. I can imagine he won’t just cross them in the future once he does marry her because I don’t know how I’ll ever bear that.