Total pages in book: 171
Estimated words: 167204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 557(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 167204 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 836(@200wpm)___ 669(@250wpm)___ 557(@300wpm)
“Of course she is. Why are you doing this?”
“Why am I doing this?” she echoes, but it’s not a question, it’s the warning of a person seconds away from exploding on some motherfucker who has pushed them too far.
I intervene before the eruption can occur and pour molten lava over my life. “Please do not wake her up.”
She stares at me, her pale features flushed with barely suppressed anger, but she takes a second, takes a couple of breaths, and then calms her little ass down.
Once she’s able to speak without screaming at me like I can tell she wants to, she says, “I know we talked about this and came to what felt at the time like a very mature, very reasonable agreement. I know you have not done anything technically wrong. When this all started, I wanted you to have your freedom. I wanted you to have this time in college to explore and satisfy any desire you might have to be with anyone else. I wanted you to do that now so you wouldn’t feel the need to later when we would be married and I would never be able to forgive you for it.” She takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I acted in the best interest of our future relationship, and it was my understanding—my expectation—that you were doing the same thing. And I think you have been. Until you met Brynn.”
I swallow, but it feels like a log of fucking dread is lodged in my throat.
“And I thought this was common sense, Killian. I thought you knew there was an unwritten rule in this agreement that you were free to fuck anyone you wanted as long as you were responsible about it. That means you do not allow what you’re doing with anyone now to threaten our future. It means you don’t fuck my friends because that would embarrass me, and it means you don’t catch serious feelings for any of the girls you fuck because you know there is no future in it. And maybe, maybe I could understand you squeezing in one last whole-ass relationship if it was junior year and you still had loads of time left to enjoy your remaining single days, but we are a month and a half away from being engaged, Killian. It’s too late in the game to do that now. The second you felt feelings coming on for that girl, you should have ended it. You should have done that to protect us,” she says, sounding legitimately hurt. “But instead, you deliberately embarrassed me in front of my friends for the benefit of some other girl, and then you took her to Paris. And it’s really hard to take that any other way than being an absolute slap in the face that I have done nothing to deserve.”
She’s teary-eyed now, her voice breaking, and to say I feel like a first-class asshole would be an understatement.
She’s right.
She’s right about all of it.
And I have been operating under that agreement and respecting even the unwritten rules since sophomore year when I signed my life away in a deal that felt at the time like the opportunity of a fucking lifetime.
She deserves an apology, and more than that, she deserves a man who wants to give it to her.
Because despite knowing I’m in the wrong here, and she has every right to be hurt, I can’t find it in me to be sorry for any of it.
I did what I did for Brynn, and if I knew Sloane would react that way, I’d do the exact same thing a second time without a moment’s hesitation.
Sloane sniffles, getting herself together since I’ve missed my opportunity to be her hero.
I imagine she hoped this would go a little differently. That I’d tell her she’s right and walk over to her, grab her by her slim shoulders and pull her into my arms for a remorseful embrace. I’d tell her I’m an asshole, and I’m sorry for hurting her, and she doesn’t have to worry; I’ll take care of this and get back on track, and nothing like this will ever happen again. If I were her hero, even a flawed one, I’d tell her it was a mistake while I’m holding her, and then I’d go kick the other girl out of my bed to make room for her in it. I’d spend the rest of the night making it up to her because she’s the woman I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
And I should want to do that.
And maybe I would have wanted to do that if this were about anybody else. Sloane has watched me hook up with random girls since sophomore year and never once batted an eye. If she had sooner, I would have stopped.