Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 135652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
My eyes burn knowing that in some small way I’ve helped him along with the healing process. Even if it only applies to me and Dillan, I’m glad to have helped in some way. “You’re an amazing person, Nathan.”
His tongue comes out to tease his lower lip, his eyes go back to the window where they were looking when I first walked in. “I’ll never intentionally hurt you. You know that right?”
Well that’s a random conversation flip. “I know.” And I do know. I trust him more than anyone else.
The mysteriousness of this new conversation doesn’t end. “I make a lot of mistakes when I’m mad. I didn’t…” He pauses, thinking on his words for a moment. “I didn’t have the best upbringing. That’s not to say I want you to feel obligated to me in any way. I just want you to know that I’m not used to being this close to somebody. Even Caleb. I’ve always been secluded,” he laughs coolly, his lips a thin line. “I don’t even have any friends.”
“I’m your friend.”
“Yes,” his eyes become distant for a moment. “You are. But just know that whatever I do, if it hurts you, it’s not intentional. I just don’t know how to do this.”
“What are you talking about?” Why do I get the feeling like he’s warning me for something that has yet to come?
“Nothing, I’m just pointing out a major flaw in my personality.” He sighs long and deep, the lines around his eyes showing how many concerns he has on his mind.
I don’t say anything, I’m not sure what to say. Instead I slide onto his lap, mindful of the baby on his chest and rest my head against his neck. He presses his lips to my hair and strokes my arm with his free hand.
******
“Oh my god, look at him!” My mum sniffs and cradles Dillan to her bosom.
Nathan keeps his eyes on his newspaper but the way he spreads it out is slightly more aggressive than usual, his arms jerk to flick it in the air, stopping it from bending. He really doesn’t like my mum and she’s only been here an hour.
“And look at you, I wish my body got back to normal that fast,” she gives me a pout whilst eyeing me up and down. Her gaze is nothing but friendly though so I don’t mind it. “And I love the name. Dillan suits him.”
“Nathan picked it,” I blurt, feeling the need to give him the credit he deserves. “His middle name is Caleb.” I picked that for obvious reasons.
“Beautiful,” she beams and places her finger in Dillan’s hand. He squeezes it, his eyes now open and unfocused. I’m eager to see whose colour eyes he gets. “I’m so proud of you.” She looks at Nathan. “And you, for stepping up when it wasn’t your job to. Your parents must be proud.”
Nathan seems shocked by her words and his demeanour towards my mum softens after this.
I’m exhausted, I haven’t slept for three weeks since Dillan was born. I find napping when the baby naps is the best way to stop myself from crashing during the day. My mum is also here for a few days which is great. She’s going to teach me how to express milk. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to use the breast pump comfortably.
I had this image in my head of being milked like a cow and having it squirt out in one flow, enough to fill at least six bottles. That’s not the case at all. Some days I produce more milk than others and mostly I can only produce and ounce or two.
At least I’m getting the hang of it now. I can freeze it too which is even better.
Nathan has to leave soon, his store should be opening in a couple of months. He has a lot to get through to finalise it, the problem is; I think he’s having trouble leaving us.
Things have been a little bit tense with him lately. Not with us but with something he won’t discuss with me. Almost every single morning for the past few weeks there has been a package on the doorstep. I’m not sure what it is but I know it’s causing Nathan stress. I’ve asked him about it but he only tells me to mind my own business. Not in the mean way he used to but the stern tone is still there so I daren’t ask again.
I’m worried about him.
Part of me wonders if he’s being blackmailed. What with everything going on with his father. I’m not sure what’s going on with that either, all I know is that he has court soon. Nathan won’t tell me anything about anything. In his mind he’s protecting me from unnecessary stresses. He doesn’t understand that if it’s upsetting him, then to me it is a necessary stress.