Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 92118 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92118 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 461(@200wpm)___ 368(@250wpm)___ 307(@300wpm)
I didn’t use a condom. I just came inside Monroe bare.
I scramble off her. “Fuck.”
Monroe gives that throaty laugh of hers and rolls onto her back. A fine sheen of sweat covers her skin, and even with panic blaring through my head, part of me wants to taste her. To do more than taste her. To leave bite marks all over that flawless body. To make her come enough times that she can no longer mouth off. To fuck her until I forget all the reasons coming back to Sabine Valley has messed with my head.
I shake my head. “We didn’t use a condom.”
“Oh. That.” She gingerly touches the back of her neck and shivers in a way that can’t be interpreted as anything other than pleasure. “I’m on birth control, and I’m tested regularly. I also don’t make a habit of having sex without protection.”
I want to believe her, if only because the potential consequences of this slip-up have me reeling. “I was tested before we came back to the city,” I finally manage. We were all tested, and at the time I thought it bullshit because no way would I be having unprotected sex with the enemy. I can’t believe I forgot myself enough to be this reckless. “I have to go.”
“Broderick.” She sits up, her brows drawing together as she watches me rush to get my pants back in place. For a second, I almost believe that I’ve hurt her, but that’s impossible. The way she shrugs and flops back onto bed seems to support that it’s all in my imagination. “Suit yourself.”
I don’t run out of the bedroom, but it’s a near thing. I just need some fucking space, to think. The worst danger has passed if she’s telling the truth. She won’t get pregnant. I don’t have to worry about the potential of tying myself to Monroe for life, rather than a single year.
The dark, feral part of me whispers that, with that taken care of, there’s no reason to stop fucking her. We only needed to do it once to consummate the handfasting, but that doesn’t mean it only has to be once.
I shake my head sharply. No. She managed to unravel my control inside of an hour. Having sex with her again only provides her more opportunity to mess with me. That’s out of the question.
“Broderick?”
Shame nearly takes all the strength from my body. I close my eyes, but I hear the familiar footsteps that I know as well as my own. Shiloh. I can’t avoid this conversation. Doing so will only hurt her feelings, and that’s the last thing I want. I try for a smile, but it feels wrong on my face, so I let it drop. “Hey.”
She’s wearing her usual jeans, boots, and black tank top. In all the years she’s been running with our group, I’ve never seen her in shorts, even in the height of summer in the South. I know it has something to do with her past, but we’ve never touched on it beyond broad strokes and I have enough skeletons rattling around in my closet to respect her not wanting to drag hers into the light.
I shouldn’t be thinking about Shiloh or her past right now. I should be… Fuck, I don’t even know. “Can’t sleep?” I finally manage.
“I’m on watch.”
Right. Of course. I should have realized that. Monroe has me so rattled, I don’t know which way is up. Except, I can’t blame it entirely on Monroe. Ever since we crossed the boundary line back into Sabine Valley, things have been different. I knew it would be hard coming back here, but so many of my brothers don’t seem affected and I don’t understand. How can they be here without being tormented by the phantom scent of smoke? Without constantly looking over their shoulder for enemies. Without being hounded by the past.
“Are you…okay?”
“What?” At first, I think she’s intuited that I was sinking into the past, the way we’ve both learned to do with each other during the course of our friendship. But then I follow Shiloh’s gaze down to my forearms, where there are long scratches. I don’t even remember Monroe giving them to me.
I flush. “Uh. Yeah.” What am I supposed to say? Shiloh is my friend, yes, but I’ve never let her know how I truly feel. To her, I’m just her best friend, her safe harbor in the midst of all the fuckery the world likes to throw at us. I am all that for her, the same way she’s that for me.
With all that said, our friendship has never had to navigate something like this before. If Shiloh is intimate with people, she’s been subtle enough that I’ve never known about it. As for me, I haven’t touched another person once I realized I was in love with her about six months after she joined us. I should have moved on once I realized this is only friendship for her, should have at least tried to create a romantic relationship with someone else, but it never felt right so it just…never happened.