Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 83039 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83039 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
“I wouldn’t be quite that dramatic. But yes, serving with that hanging over my head certainly made it so I don’t want to have to hide ever again.”
“And that’s why you want to be in San Francisco.” I rubbed a non-existent spot on the tile with my foot.
“The huge queer community is definitely a plus.”
“But what if you didn’t have to be hidden here?” I set my ice cream aside before my stomach revolted. I couldn’t give him San Francisco or New York, but I could give him Safe Harbor. “If we were openly dating—”
“Kinda hard for you to date my corpse.” Monroe gave a bitter laugh. “I think you underestimate how much your dad will freak out. Hell, even my harebrained scheme for us to be together in the Bay—”
“Is that all it was? A crazy idea because you said you loved me and felt guilty you didn’t have a forever and ever to back it up?”
“First, I do love you.” He set his bowl next to mine with a loud plink, spoon clattering against the stoneware. “Second, I don’t feel guilty for loving you or for telling you. And while my plan is pretty loose, it could work. However, the truth is that your dad is never going to be okay with us together, whether we’re here or in San Francisco. Best I can probably hope is the distance softens any homicidal urges.”
“I don’t think it will be that bad. When I came out, the first thing he said was that he loved me and always would.”
“And he will because you’re his kid. But I’m his friend who broke a crucial tenet of the friend code. He’s not going to forgive that.” Monroe sounded resigned, and I was running out of ways to puncture his doubts. “You want to see a future for us here, one big happy family, and I wish I could share that optimism.”
“You could.” Giving up on logic, all I had left was a pouty tone. “You could at least try to love this town like I do.”
“I don’t hate it. And I understand you love it here.”
“I don’t think you do. This is home.” I’d truly raised my voice for the first time with him, so I took a long pause and tried for a more tempered tone. “This is where I found myself, where I came out, where I come back to, where my center lies. All roads point back to here, every star, every sign.”
“I’m happy you have that certainty.” He sounded anything but.
“You could too.”
“You’re going to take Frank and Leon’s offer.” He didn’t offer it up as a question, and his mournful conviction pierced what was left of my hopes. His doubts versus my hopes. A battle for the ages, but I wasn’t conceding quite yet.
“I am. And I’m also going to ask you to stay. You offered up your plan to keep us together. Well, here’s my counter.”
“This isn’t a negotiation.” Monroe held up his hands.
“It’s not? Isn’t that what love is? A give and take? Compromise.” I stared him down, but Monroe held fast, mouth narrowing to a thin, hard line as he stayed silent. But I wasn’t done. “You say you trust me. Then trust this. It could work out if you stayed here. You told me I’d be happy in the Bay. Well, I think you’d be happy here.”
“Knox…” He sounded point-five seconds away from crumpling to the floor. No way could I keep waging war when every cell in my body longed to hold him up. So I did exactly that, wrapping myself around him, burying my face in his neck.
“You don’t have to answer,” I mumbled into his familiar, warm skin. “Just think about it? For me?”
“Not much I wouldn’t do for you.” He turned so he could hold me back, both of us clinging to each other. Stay. Please stay. I hugged him so tight that energy vibrated between us.
Oh wait. That was my phone.
“Crap.” I fished it out of my pocket. “It’s my dad.”
Monroe closed his eyes while I answered the call. The guilt and sorrow creasing his face said everything those three little words I liked so much couldn’t. I had to pace away to focus on my dad’s news, only returning to Monroe after I ended the call.
“Jessica’s in preterm labor.” I relayed the news matter-of-factly because nothing about this evening would be served by my falling even more apart. “Dad and her sister are going with her into Portland. Jessica’s mom is going to try to meet them there. They need my help with the girls. I told him I could stay tonight.”
“I’ll come too.” Monroe didn’t wait for a reply, gathering shoes, keys, and wallet by the back door. “You shouldn’t be alone.”
I nodded, wishing that was reason enough to keep him here forever.