Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
B'shit swallows hard, pain on her face. "In a way, I wanted to be at those boarding schools and retreats. Going home was worse. My mother would take every report from my teachers and counselors and go over them with a fine-toothed comb. Everything I was bad at—and I was bad at a lot—she'd use to mock me or attack me. She always told me how stupid I was, and how clumsy. If I mentioned I was sad because one of my friends moved away, she'd fling it in my face constantly and tell everyone how I had no friends, and then she'd make me regret telling her anything. It got to the point that I never told my mother—or anyone—anything that could be used against me." She shrugs, staring down at the stick. "I still have a hard time opening up, even here. Even though I know my mother isn't here to try and turn everyone against me. I still…I can't…" She trails off, then sniffs hard. "So…yeah, I'm not good with sharing." She laughs, the sound bitter and full of tears. "If I'm not perfect, you'll throw it in my face and make my life miserable."
"No we would not," I say automatically. "That is not—"
S'teph raises a hand, cutting me off. "This isn't about whether something is right or wrong, A'tam. This is about confessing our own truths. This is how Bridget perceives things. She holds back information because she's afraid of being vulnerable. I'm sure it was hard for her to share this with you as it is. Let's not contradict her, all right?"
Madness. I want to tell S'teph that she is full of foolishness, but I look over at my mate, instead. B'shit's shoulders are slumped, as if she is full of tears just waiting to break free. I hate that. I do not want to see my mate so unhappy. I want her full of life and smiles. "Very well."
"Do you want to ask something, Bridget?" S'teph looks over at her.
B'shit thinks for a moment and then looks over at me. "Did you decide that you wanted me because I slept with you? Or did you want me before that? As your mate?" She holds out the stick, not looking me in the eye.
I take the stick from her, and the answer is easy. It does not require much thinking on my part. "The moment I landed on this shore, I saw very many attractive females. They smiled and they laughed, and this beach felt very welcoming. There was one female that had bright eyes and a wide smile, and she liked to tease me as much as she liked to smile at me. This, I thought, was the finest female, and because I like the best things, I wished her for myself. So yes, I have always wanted you."
"What about Daisy? She's the prettiest on the beach." And she taps the secrets stick in my hands. "Tell the truth. You wanted her?"
This is another easy truth. "D'see was interesting because she was new, but I did not want her in my furs. D'see is attractive, but she is not as fine to look at as my mate." I shrug. "I hope she resonates to one of my clan brothers, but for myself, I have always only seen one female."
B'shit looks up at me with such emotion in her eyes that it makes my heart hurt. Her lower lip trembles. "You promise she was only in your hut to bother me?"
I nod. "Even if she offered to share furs with me as a pleasure mate, I would not have been interested. My heart has always belonged to you and only you, even when we fight."
Her smile becomes a little braver, a little more like the B'shit I know. I did not realize D'see's games were weighing so heavily on B'shit, and I want to kick myself for causing her these hurts. Truly, I am rock-headed sometimes.
"This is great," S'teph says. She takes a sip of her tea and gestures. "A'tam, you have the stick. Is there anything you want to ask Bridget as we continue to open up?"
Thinking of our fights has brought up the biggest question in my mind, the one I can never seem to find an answer for. I nod, and hold the stick out for B'shit to take. "I wish to know why she does not want to mate with me."
S'teph coughs on her tea, then pounds on her own chest. "Sorry," she wheezes. "Wrong pipe."
B'shit looks like a trapped animal. She takes the stick as if she is afraid it will bite her and gives us both a wary look.
"Safe space," S'teph chokes out. "Remember."
B'shit swallows hard and stares down at the secrets stick. She clutches it tight, and takes a deep breath. Then she opens her eyes and looks at me. "I don't want to have sex with you because I didn't like it. At all."