Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Raven nods absently. "I do, too. I was scraping some new skins for Juth and Pak. It's cold today and I want to make sure they have some warm stuff to wear." We wave our goodbyes to Veronica, but she's already absorbed in feeding her baby, a sleepy expression on her face as she gazes down at him.
As we leave, Raven and I part near the women's cave. We're both lost in our own thoughts, Raven no doubt thinking about how to clothe the two outcasts that won't join the camp, and me thinking about pottery and A'tam, my two favorite obsessions and frustrations. I loiter outside the cave, not heading too near the main fire where a few of the women are seated, working on sewing and trying to ignore the cold weather. Devi has a cup of shrimp tea in her hands, huddled up and sharing a blanket with her mate N'dek, and they look so sweet and loved up that I ache.
Why is it when I picture myself in that same situation, I picture A'tam with me? We're not compatible. I might like his smile and his personality, but his dick is an absolute deal breaker (as well as a vagina breaker). It makes me sad. We're all wrong for each other but I can't seem to move on. I wander toward the group on the beach, studying the faces of the men. With each new resonance, there's one less available potential mate, and a few of the girls are starting to wonder if they'll ever resonate.
That makes me sad, too. I want babies and a family. I want that unconditional love that comes with resonance. It's something I absolutely want in my future, unlike Sam. She likes her freedom here and has made it clear she wants no romantic entanglements. I wish I was more like her but…I'm lonely.
My gaze strays to A'tam. He's with Shadow Cat on the beach, all of them clustered together as if planning something, and of course Daisy is with them. Her bright hair stands out amongst the white furs everyone's wearing and the blue skin of the men. I'm too far away to hear what they're saying, but Daisy gives them an impish look and then I'rec, O'jek and A'tam all laugh uproariously, as if she's said the funniest thing ever.
I don't blame I'rec and O'jek for flirting with Daisy. But seeing A'tam do it fills me with anger and frustration…and hurt. For a man that's professed his love for me, he sure has moved on quickly. I watch them, depressed. No amount of sexy dancing is going to make me as appealing as Daisy. She's spent the last ten years as a courtesan. She knows how to flirt with the best of them and how to work the men. I'm a decent flirt, but I'm an amateur next to her.
Fucking Daisy. She can have A'tam. Maybe I'll resonate to someone else if I ever resonate. I study the group that's gathered, assessing each man that has yet to find a mate.
There's I'rec, but his personality rubs me the wrong way. He's brash and dismissive and acts like he should be in charge of this entire beach. O'jek is not much better. Whereas I'rec runs his mouth, O'jek is mostly silent, but they're cut from the same arrogant cloth. There's Sessah, the youngest of all the men on the beach at around nineteen or so, but I'm pretty sure he's in love with Tia. He's nice enough, I suppose. R'jaal, too. He's the only one in Tall Horn that hasn't resonated, and while he's friendly and pleasant and cute…he's just never done it for me. I've always been obsessed with A'tam. A'tam and his beautiful mouth and his flirty ways and his gorgeous body. A'tam who has trouble sleeping at night because he doesn't like to be alone, and feels like a kindred spirit.
A'tam, who has a baseball bat under his loincloth.
I need to move on. I can't obsess over the same guy for the rest of my life. I just can't. Not when he's already clearly moved on to Daisy. So I paste a bright smile to my face, give up on working on pottery, and approach the group by the beach. "Are all the teams made or is there room for one more?"
11
A'TAM
I am surprised when B'shit offers to play in the team games. She approaches with a bright smile on her face, and my heart thuds at the sight of her.
D'see's plan has not been working. I was so confident that it would take no time to have B'shit fling herself into my arms and demand to be my pleasure mate once more, but that has not been true. B'shit has pushed me away and now we are not even friends. I feel as if I have taken two great steps backward instead of leaping forward, and my frustration knows no bounds.