Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 81518 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81518 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 408(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 272(@300wpm)
He perked up at that. “Really?”
“Mm.” I brushed some hair away from his forehead. “A friend from Boston is coming down to show off the whips he makes, and I won’t know what to buy until I’ve tried them out.”
“That’s true.” His eyes practically glittered with interest. “It’s a good thing you own a pain slut you can use them on.”
“Isn’t it?” I smirked. “But if that pain slut wants to earn a good beating, he better get to talking about what’s made him seek out punishment.”
He sucked his teeth. “I was hoping to distract you.”
“Ah. So you think I’m an idiot,” I stated.
“What—? No! Why—fuck.” He snarled to himself and folded his arms over his chest. “Why do y’all have to turn the tables like that all the fucking time?”
“Because it’s fun, and you make it so easy.”
He scowled.
I crossed my eyes at him.
That made him smash his lips together, and he couldn’t hide the mirth seeping into his eyes.
“Just spit it out, baby,” River yawned. “Reese and I already have our theories. Either it’s a case of survivor’s guilt, or you feel like you didn’t do enough the night of the fire.”
Damn. And I was the one who needed to slow my roll?
The humor drained out of Shay, and so did the blood from his face. I grabbed his hands in mine and kissed his knuckles, despising that he’d beaten himself up over this for so long. I didn’t believe it was survivor’s guilt.
River scooted closer and gathered Shay’s legs on his lap. “I read the article that came out after the fire marshal had submitted his report, and given the circumstances, I don’t see how you could’ve done more than you already did. It’s a miracle you managed to get your brothers out of there safely.”
I didn’t have anything to add. He was right. Old house, old appliances, cans of paint thinner in the garage, and an unnoticed gas leak in the basement had turned their home into a tinderbox. All it’d taken was a spark from an overloaded power outlet to seal the family’s fate. The fire had spread rapidly, traveling up from the basement to the kitchen and the garage.
Shay had managed to scream for his parents, call 9-1-1, and drag his brothers out before the fire had blocked all exits. And because the fire had engulfed the garage, his parents hadn’t been able to jump from the third floor even if they’d tried that route. They would’ve landed in the flames.
“Let me guess,” River murmured. “For two years, you’ve been playing ‘If I had just.’ If I had just woken up sooner. If I had just screamed louder.”
Shay flinched and stared down at his lap. “If they were going to die anyway, I wish they would’ve slept through the whole thing and lost consciousness from the smoke, but I know they woke up. The firefighters found Dad passed out on the stairs, like he’d been trying to get down to the second floor. Mom was in the bathroom with Myah.” He swallowed hard. “Either the water had still been working, or they’d used the water cooler in Dad’s study, because Myah was wrapped in a bedspread that was wet. Mom had placed her in the tub.”
Fucking hell, I couldn’t imagine going through a tragedy like that. River and I weren’t strangers to losing family members, but it didn’t compare. Not even close.
“They did everything they could.” I stroked his cheek. “So did you, Shay. Not only that, but you’ve been there for your brothers ever since, and I bet they want you happy, not guilt-ridden for something you had no control over.”
He hummed and played with River’s fingers. “TJ still won’t go near a grill, and Aunt Mel can’t have candles in the house because Levi freaks out.”
I hadn’t considered that, and I felt like a fucking idiot for it. Christ, we fired up the grill here almost every day.
“Is that a trigger for you too?” I wondered.
He shook his head, then pointed at the fireplace in the corner. “That one will be a problem in the winter, though.”
Good to know. River and I glanced at each other briefly and exchanged a nod. We’d help him work through it. For this, we had patience in spades.
“Candles are okay for me,” Shay admitted. “Barbecues were never an issue—not for Levi either. I think it’s because they’re outside.”
Made sense.
“What about the smell?” River asked.
Shay stiffened slightly. “It’s not the same. It’s not fire on wood or charcoal that bothers me. It’s burning paint, plastic, and wiring. Burning electrics—” He swallowed and shook his head quickly.
River and I could relate there, at least. We knew that smell. It was overpowering and impossible to forget.
“We get it.” I pressed a kiss to Shay’s temple.
He kind of fell against me, his cheek landing on my shoulder. “I don’t want to feel bad anymore, Daddy,” he whispered.