Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85167 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Disappeared every chance he got.
He knew his actions only made things worse. He knew it didn’t make sense. But knowing didn’t change how he felt or the raw ache in his chest every time he was home. They’d raised him as their son, but he sucked at being one.
Being a crappy son was what had gotten his parents and brother killed, after all.
“Let me, Gran.” He took the wooden spoon from her.
“Thank you, dear.” She sat and rubbed her knuckles under the table.
Gramps reached over and touched her knee. He had liver spots on his cheeks, and his eyes were hidden behind thick glasses, but his smile was the same when he looked at her. Driver’s heart twisted and he focused on serving the mac and cheese.
“Not too much for me, I’m watching my cholesterol,” Gramps said. “And your grandmother still makes her specialty with real butter.”
“It doesn’t taste the same with that fake stuff. Besides, I made this for Driver. It’s his favorite.”
When Driver was done dishing out the food, he sat and picked up his fork. “Thanks, Gran. It looks delicious.”
“I’d make it every day if you’d come visit more often.”
“You don’t need to bribe me with food.” Driver ate and did his best to savor the cheesy pasta and his favorite part, the crunchy topping made of breadcrumbs and Ritz crackers.
His grandparents shared a glance. They didn’t believe him. Why should they? He’d never given them a reason to think he enjoyed being home. Each time he was gone quicker than they could blink. The only reason he’d stuck around until his eighteenth birthday was so he could graduate. How many times had he been back since then? A dozen? Maybe less.
Christ, he really was the worst.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know I should come by more.”
“Don’t fret. You’re young, you’re having adventures. We don’t expect you to stick around with us boring old folk.”
“You’re not boring.”
“I am old though.” Gramps chuckled affably, just like always, and the rolling rumble of it whisked Driver back in time.
“We understand why you stay away. It’s hard for us too, you know? Even after all these years.” Gran looked around the dining room like the ghosts of his family were there watching. If he squinted he could see them too, laughing and chatting like they had the Sunday before they’d died. Every corner of the house was soaked with memories. Driver couldn’t imagine living with them every day when he could barely stand to be there for an hour.
“How do you do it?”
She smiled at him. “When was the last time you talked to them?”
How could she ask him that? She knew exactly when he’d spoken to his parents, she even knew the awful things he’d said. His fingers fisted under the table as his stomach clenched. The mac and cheese felt like a lead weight, making him ill.
“I mean their spirits. Have you gone to the cemetery?”
Pain lodged in his throat so he couldn’t speak. He shook his head instead. No, he hadn’t gone to their grave. He’d never gone there. Not even for the funeral.
One more thing he couldn’t deal with.
He stood and forced the words past the stones in his chest and esophagus. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I need to go.”
He didn’t look back as he left. He didn’t even turn to see if they’d followed him outside. Or if they waved as he drove away.
And this time, as he fled, the freedom of the ride didn’t chase his guilt away.
He wasn’t sure it ever really had.
Chapter Fourteen
Tam stared into his empty refrigerator without really seeing anything. He’d been distracted ever since his session and had forgotten to go grocery shopping after Heels class. His stomach rumbled. Had he forgotten lunch too? Maybe. He couldn’t remember. There was nothing but condiments and leftover beer in the fridge so he shut it. It was too late to go out. Not that he wanted to. He couldn’t work up the energy to leave the comfort of his apartment even if it meant starving. He’d already pulled on his sleep shorts and T-shirt. What he really wanted was to curl up under the blanket and zone out. Before he could check the cupboards, someone knocked on his door.
He was tempted to ignore it, feeling unsociable and a bit melancholy. Except no one knocked this late unless it was important. He opened without checking the peephole and found Driver standing in the hall holding a pizza box and a plastic bag.
“Uh.” Tam stood stunned. Driver was the last person he’d expected. It had been two whole days since they’d seen each other.
With a disarming smile that pulled all of Tam’s strings, Driver lifted his offerings. “I brought pizza and movies.”
“Oh. Uh.” Real smooth. Honestly, he’d thought he’d never see Driver again so having him arrive in the middle of the night wiped his brain clean. And carrying gifts no less. Tam eyed the pizza box, the scent of spicy meat and melted cheese making his nose twitch.