Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 124451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 622(@200wpm)___ 498(@250wpm)___ 415(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124451 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 622(@200wpm)___ 498(@250wpm)___ 415(@300wpm)
A warm hand curls around mine and gently squeezes before I hear his soft murmur in my ear. “Killer?” he says, his voice breaking with despair. “Are you awake?”
Squeezing his hand in return, I try to open my eyes again, but they feel too heavy. “Mmmm,” I grumble, certain that my face is doing that ugly morning scrunch thing that makes me look like an overweight rodent.
“Oh, fuck,” Tanner sighs, the relief in his tone clear as day. He leans forward and rests his forehead against my wrist, and I pull my hand from his before curling it around the back of his neck, needing to feel him as close as humanly possible.
“I’m okay,” I whisper, finally able to open my eyes, if only just a little.
The clinical light of the hospital room floods my vision, and I squint against it as my eyes adjust enough to see him. He’s sitting beside my hospital bed, the chair pulled in close enough that his long legs are bound to be cramped beneath the bed. We’re alone in the room, but I could have sworn there was someone else in here.
“Hey,” I say over the lump in my throat, my fingers tightening around the back of his strong neck. “Look at me.”
His head pulls up, and the moment those dark eyes come to mine, everything feels okay in the world. All the bullshit and chaos fade away, and I’m left with nothing but the pure love shining between us. He watches me for a moment as if unable to believe this is real, and after what feels like a lifetime, he leans in close and brushes his lips over mine. “You have no fucking idea how happy I am to see you awake.”
“You’re telling me,” I murmur. “I would have been pissed if I didn’t make it and missed out on a lifetime of kinky fuckery and ass ramming.”
Tanner laughs and curls his arm around me, snaking his arms around the back of my neck just so he can wrap me in his warm embrace without jostling me. “I swear, I don’t know whether to hate or love your smart fucking mouth,” he tells me. “Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to hear you joking about butt stuff while you’re bleeding out?”
“Probably just as frustrating as watching you panic over situations that are out of your control.”
“Fair point,” he tells me, dropping a kiss on my forehead and pulling back just enough to see my face. When his eyes come back to mine, there’s something much deeper there, a hollowness that tears at my chest. “I’m so sorry, Killer. I never should have taken you to the races so soon after what happened in court, both you and Addie. I knew Colby was going to retaliate, and I wasn’t thinking.”
“Don’t,” I tell him, reaching up and cupping the side of his face, my thumb gently stroking over his warm skin. “I’m not somebody you can keep caged because some asshole might lose his fucking mind. The world is always going to keep turning, there’s always going to be a new threat, but I’m not going to hide at home because there’s other shit going on in the world. That’s not how I’m going to live my life, and I’m sure Addison would say the same thing.”
“Babe—”
“No,” I tell him. “What happened at the track, that’s not on you. Colby decided to retaliate, and he came at us with a knife. You protected us. You did what you had to do.”
Tanner presses his lips into a hard line, and I hate the denial plaguing his stare. “Yeah,” he mutters, but the conviction is absent from his deep tone, telling me what he thinks I need to hear just so we don’t have to discuss it anymore.
“Tanner,” I whisper, my gaze sweeping over his face. “If Colby’s knife didn’t kill me, your inability to see just how amazing and good you are, will. I love you, and it kills me to see you doubting yourself like this.”
“I’m sorry, Killer. It’s just … it’s my job to protect both you and Addie, and I let you both down. I was too fucking consumed by rage to notice you’d been hurt when I promised you—I fucking promised you—I would learn to control myself.”
His head falls again, his forehead dropping to my hip as he unintentionally crushes every last remaining part of my soul.
“I swear to God, Tanner Morgan. If you start giving me this self-pitying bullshit, I’m going to whoop your ass into next week. If you’re to blame for Addison getting hurt again, then I’m responsible as well.”
His head shoots straight back up, his brows furrowed with distaste. “The fuck are you talking about?”
“I was with you out in the woods, Tanner. I watched your sister walk away, and I happily left with you. I could have told you to go after her or I could have gone, but I didn’t. I’m just as much to blame. The same could be said for Hudson. Is he gonna cop the same heat you’re giving yourself? He didn’t race after her. What about Riley or the twins?”