Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81426 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“Nah, everyone is afraid of something. What are you afraid of, Beautiful?” I cupped his cheek, pulled him toward me, and rubbed my nose against his. Jude chuckled, his breath ghosting over me.
“You really are a cuddler, and you’re more affectionate than I would have thought.”
“Eh, probably just because I’ve wanted you for so damn long.” Because yeah, I told him I liked to cuddle, and in some ways I did, but I wasn’t as affectionate with other people as I was with Jude. I wanted to touch him all the time. Maybe part of me couldn’t believe he was really there with me, which was another first.
“I’m sorry.”
“What the hell do you have to be sorry for? Not wanting me at first? I mean, obviously, most people do want me because me, but there’s a first for everything. And you had a lot of shit on your mind. You were in love with your best friend and had never been with a guy before.”
“I’m still sorry it took so long. Being with you feels too good not to wish I’d done it sooner.”
Well, shit. Hearing that made my chest pump up a bit. “We’re gonna be in trouble, you and me.”
“I know,” he replied, a sort of sadness in those crystal blue eyes of his.
“Are you happy?” I found myself asking.
“Yeah, most of the time. No one is happy all the time, but I feel better than I have in a long time.”
All sorts of thoughts muddled around in my brain, little feelings I had about him and his life. “You know…it probably sounds silly to some people, but I always wanted to work in construction. There was never a time it wasn’t my dream. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t something most people wanted or dreamed about. I did.” I thought it was probably a career most people just fell into, but not me. It was who I was, what I wanted. To build things. To make something out of nothing.
“I don’t think that’s a silly dream. I think it’s incredible, actually. You’ve always known who you are and what you want. You don’t think you have to be like everyone else. I went into business like my dad and then realized I hated it. I’m bartending because it’s what I did in college, and yeah, it’s fun and I enjoy it, but it’s not my dream.”
“What is?”
“I don’t know,” he answered softly, and my damn heart broke for him. Jude did something to me, had me all wrapped up, and I wasn’t sure how to untangle myself—or if I wanted to. But falling for another guy who wasn’t settled in his sexuality was a dumb thing for me to do.
“Then I guess we have to work on figuring that out.”
He smiled, then leaned down and kissed me. I opened my mouth, and he swiped at my tongue with his. Jude groaned into the kiss, and I swallowed it down…and then, then he was pulling back. “You want dinner?” he asked. We hadn’t eaten dinner, just ended up in bed.
I knew the serious conversation was over, and maybe that was best for now. Hell, I wasn’t sure why I even went there, made shit all heavy, but again, there was something about him. “Yeah, I could eat.”
Unfortunately, we did end up having to clean up. We pulled on pants and ordered Chinese, then ate and watched a movie. We were naked in bed again, with the lights off and the blankets over us, when he said, “Letting people in.”
“What?” I asked, stroking his back.
“Earlier you asked what I’m afraid of, and I didn’t answer. My dad, he folded in on himself when my mom died. He never recovered from losing her. He spent his whole damn life lost after that, still is, and he’s never tried to change it. Never sought therapy or anything like that. I lost him when I lost her. I had no family except Rush’s. If it wasn’t for them, I would have been alone. I’m scared of being like him. Of letting people in and losing them, and then myself.”
Christ, he was truly going to wreck me. My heart thudded against my chest, this chaos of feeling, of want, surging through me. We had that in common, Jude and I, but in different ways. It wasn’t tough for me to let people in the way it was for him, at least not as obviously, but I was afraid of losing people I cared about. I’d loved and lost Henry. And I was scared of losing my brother, even though I knew it was a ridiculous fear.
Clearing my throat, I finally managed to say, “You let me in.”
At least a full minute went by before he answered, “I know.”
Damn, I was honored he’d chosen me. That he’d opened himself up to my friendship, and now… Well, the boyfriend thing was fake, but he was still giving me something he’d never given anyone else. “I won’t hurt you, Beautiful. I promise. And you won’t lose my friendship. Ever.”