Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Ash didn’t allow that.
He swept me up in his arms and rose. He didn’t speak as he held me tightly against him, his cool body a relief against my overly hot skin. For several moments, I just focused on his thumb smoothing back and forth along my side, but inevitably, the reality of the situation rose.
“I…” Wincing, I cleared my throat. “I don’t know what happened.”
“It was your nota.” One hand ran up my back, slipping under my hair. “The nota is still you, but it’s the most instinctual part of your Primal being. Just like with the eather, it can respond to your emotions or a potential threat.”
“Great,” I murmured. “So, what you’re saying is that the next time I’m anxious, I’m just going to shift into a cave cat and eventually end up naked somewhere?”
“Not necessarily, liessa.” His tone had lightened, but only for a too-quick moment. “It has to be pretty severe for that to happen. At least, now. After the first time you shift, you have more control over it.”
That would be a relief, except for the fact that I clearly had no control over my anxiety, my breathing…or my own head.
Turning, I looked down at his arm once more. I couldn’t believe I’d hurt him. I couldn’t believe I’d done any of that.
Shame scalded my cheeks. “I’m…I’m sorry.”
His arms tightened around my waist. “Liessa, you have nothing to apologize for.”
Gods, that wasn’t true. “I scratched you.”
“Barely.”
“You bled.”
“You’ve stabbed me before,” he reminded me.
“But that was intentional. Kind of.”
A rough chuckle teased the wisps of hair at my temple. The sound of his laugh caused the corners of my lips to tip up, but the humor was all too brief.
I really couldn’t believe what had happened. That I had freaked out like that and lost control. That he knew I was afraid of him feeding. That I was even afraid of that. That I could somehow forget that it was Ash I was with.
That he knew a piece of me remained in that cage.
“I’m tired,” I said hoarsely, and it was true. A bone-deep exhaustion had settled over me.
Without saying a word, Ash shadowstepped us back to the bedchamber and then took me to bed. I was sure I had dirt on me, and the gods only knew what else, but I rolled onto my side and folded my arms over my chest.
Lying down behind me, Ash pulled the blanket up over us. A moment passed, and then I felt the weight of his arm on my waist. Immediately, my mind wanted to go back to when I was in Dalos, to when—
No. I pressed my lips together, welcoming the sting of pain as my fangs scraped my lip. It stopped me from putting space between us. Even if it felt like I did at that moment, I didn’t want that. We slept like this all the time because the feeling of him touching me was comforting. Grounding. It was my thoughts that weren’t.
His chest rose against my back once more. “Sera…”
I heard it all in his voice. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I whispered, feeling my nostrils burn.
“Okay. We won’t,” Ash said without hesitation, but I felt the fine tremor that went through him. “There is something I need to say, though. Something you need to hear. You don’t have to respond. You don’t have to say anything.”
I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I would give anything to be able to go back and take your place. Fucking anything,” he swore. “But I can’t.”
And I was glad he couldn’t because I knew he would.
“All I can do is tell you that nothing—absolutely nothing—has changed between us,” he said. “No matter what happened, it hasn’t changed how I see you. You’re still the same brave, strong Seraphena I saw that night in the Shadow Temple. It hasn’t changed how I feel about you. Nothing can. Nothing ever will.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Sourness lingered in the back of my mouth as I stood in the dimly lit library.
There had been no almost vomiting this time. The late lunch/half-supper I’d eaten hadn’t stayed in me for long.
The only blessing was that Ash hadn’t been present for it, and it had happened so quickly there hadn’t been time for me to feel any sort of anxiety over it. He’d been with Rhain…or maybe Saion and Rhahar. Either way, Ash was now just beyond Lethe, where the army trained. At least, that was what Rhahar had said Ash was doing when I left the bedchamber.
He’d been gone when I woke.
Waking up without him by my side reminded me of how it had been when I’d first slept in his bedchamber. He was never there in the mornings.
My throat thickened as I stared up at the portraits of Ash’s parents. I’d slept late. Well into the afternoon—no dreams, no nightmares.