Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80302 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 402(@200wpm)___ 321(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80302 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 402(@200wpm)___ 321(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
I nod. “I heard it was invitation only.”
“Invitations are normally only extended for sex,” he says on a sigh. “There were supposed to be all these orgies. It was one of the perks of Cerberus, but no one wants orgies. They all want the people they love.”
He sounds a little bitter, disclosing the news.
“There are only three single men left, and that’s going to be two soon enough, if Aro ever gets his head out of his ass.”
I presume he’s talking about himself and Boomer, but I don’t ask.
“See ya later, Drake the bartender.”
Ugly climbs out of the truck, his feet seeming heavy as they carry him toward the front door.
I’m a little disappointed that I didn’t get to go inside, and it has nothing to do with the novelty of it being the Cerberus clubhouse. I let myself imagine that I’d go in and help Ugly to his room, running into Boomer on my way out. We’d pick up exactly where we left off in the hallway.
I clear my throat and put my truck into gear. Getting lost on any hope that Boomer will want to make out with me again is fruitless. I should just feel lucky that he wanted to kiss me once. Thinking it will happen again is a waste of time.
Chapter 9
Boomer
It takes a little longer this morning for the guilt to hit me from the dreams I had last night, but it slams into me harder than normal after my brain comes back online and I think about actually kissing Drake last night. The reality of the experience is much different from the fantasy I’ve had until this point.
In the darkness of night, in the silent clubhouse, it was easy for me to convince myself that everything would be fine, that it wouldn’t be such a big deal if Aro or Slick told the others what they saw.
But as I lie in bed, I think about everything they could’ve seen. The kiss was bad enough, but the way I got lost in Drake’s hand running down the front of my jeans, the way we both rolled our hips, seeking friction? That’s a little too much for anyone to witness.
I feel three times heavier than I actually weigh as I sit up on the side of my bed. I know I’m going to face people who know the truth about me. I know it as well as I know my name. The members of Cerberus are no different from any other group of people close enough to consider themselves family.
I don’t know how many breakfast conversations I’ve heard that started with the words “So did you hear what happened last night?” or “So and so were caught doing XYZ.”
Secrets have a hard time staying that way around this place, and I only have myself to blame. I knew when I pulled Drake closer to me last night that we were in a public place. I enjoyed myself, but I wasn’t so caught up in the pleasure that I didn’t consider getting caught. I knew there was a chance. I was just willing to take the risk.
It’s no big deal if my name is on everyone’s lips this morning over coffee and scones. I haven’t met one person connected to Cerberus that has a problem with same-sex relationships. Several people have even asked me what my deal was when I’ve been caught watching one of the couples, wishing I was accepting enough of myself to be able to have something similar to what they have.
I run through scenarios in my head as I shower, knowing I won’t lie to anyone who asks. My go-to response when the subject comes up is silence, but I haven’t exactly been asked directly. I know that reprieve will be coming to an end today.
I can’t deny the fact that I’m gay. I don’t even deny it to myself. I know I am. It’s just that I don’t want to be.
Liking men, imagining myself with them in every way imaginable, feels more like a curse than freedom. I know a lot of people struggle with the am I part of their journey.
Despite being told it’s a choice, all my life growing up, I know for a fact it isn’t. I wouldn’t have picked this path for myself, given the opportunity to choose on my own.
I’ve tried ignoring who I am, but of course, that doesn’t work either.
Years ago, I settled on being who I am, but not participating in any of the acts. Maybe not knowing what it was like for a man to touch me would make it easier to avoid Drake, but there are some things I’ve experienced since leaving the compound. None of those even compare to the way Drake pressed me into the wall last night with his body.