Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 86510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 433(@200wpm)___ 346(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Brenda softens. “You’re going to wait for Ronan to get home on Sunday and come to your place.”
I say nothing.
I say nothing because she’s fucking right, and we both know it.
…
I lower my gaze, not looking at Lucas until he instructs that I can.
“Look at me, Mary.”
I raise my gaze to meet his. “Thank you, sir.”
“And thank you, Mary.”
I swallow, still meeting his gaze. I have to tell him about the feelings I’m developing. I have to, because if I don’t? Things will never change.
My heart is slowly breaking.
“May I speak, sir?”
“Yes, of course.”
I fall to my knees, take his hands in mine, still meeting his gaze. Very strange, because normally when I’m on my knees, I’m not allowed to look at him.
“What is it?” He pulls me to my feet.
He’s right. It’s better this way. If I’m going to speak about what’s been happening to me lately, we need to be on equal footing.
“Sir”—I clear my throat—“I was wondering… I was wondering if perhaps we could go out sometime. Maybe to get dinner.”
Lucas furrows his brow. “That sounds like a date, Mary. Once we entered this lifestyle, we agreed we were no longer dating.”
“I suppose it could be a date.” I look down. “Or it could be two friends having dinner.”
“We’re not friends, Mary.”
His words slice into my heart like a sharp knife.
We’re lovers, playmates, partners in many ways. We don’t play with other people. We both made that commitment to each other when we began this journey. I’ve learned so much from this man, and I’ve enjoyed the path it’s taken me on. I’m a submissive at heart. It’s what I like in the bedroom. I like bondage, and I like being dominated.
And while I understood that it may not be a long-term relationship…I always thought we were friends.
“You don’t consider me a friend, sir?”
“Mary, we defined the parameters of this thing between us when we ended our dating relationship and began this one.”
“Yes, I understand that. I’ve learned so much from you, sir. I’ve enjoyed it, and I found out a lot about my sexual proclivities. But I’m almost twenty-one.”
“Yes, I’ve been looking forward to your birthday.”
“You have?” Happiness surges through me.
“Yes. Because once you’re twenty-one, I can take you to a club.”
That happiness? It fizzles into something I can’t name and settles in my gut.
“Well, yes,” I say. “I’ve been looking forward to exploring the clubs as well.”
“Playing privately in the club won’t be much different than playing privately at my home.”
Lucas has his own dungeon, complete with many tables and toys and other paraphernalia.
“What is the difference, then?”
“It’s a different experience. You’ll meet others like yourself. Have conversations. You can play in public or in private.”
I gulp. “In public?”
“If you’re an exhibitionist by nature. Which I happen to be, Mary.”
Play in front of others? I gulp again. So much Lucas and I haven’t talked about. But still… Just being near him makes me giddy. His kisses melt my heart.
And of course our playtime… Well, I don’t have anything to compare it to, but the orgasms are amazing, and he knows all my hotspots.
But I’ve been watching my friends date. I hear them talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends. I can’t say anything. I can’t say anything because Lucas is a professor here. He’s not my professor, but we agreed when we started that we’d keep this thing under wraps.
“You know I can’t be seen with you in public,” he says.
“You just said we might be doing something in public at the club.”
“Yes, I did. But no one associated with the university frequents the club I go to. We will be perfectly safe there.”
Perfectly safe…
“You mean you would be perfectly safe, sir. I wouldn’t be safe at all.”
“Of course you would be. I would never let anything happen to you, Mary.”
I shake my head, tears welling in the bottoms of my eyes. He doesn’t get it.
“I don’t know how else to say it, sir. I’m falling in love with you, and it’s killing me.”
“Mary…”
“Tell me you feel the same way, sir. You must.”
“I assure you that’s not true. I’m sorry, Mary.” He sighs. “Perhaps it’s best that we end this.”
And right there.
In that moment.
Ice forms around my heart.
…
I wasn’t sure that ice could ever be melted, but Ronan…
I can’t allow it.
I text him quickly, after I get home from Brenda’s.
I don’t take orders from you.
Then I hit send.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ronan
This feeling overwhelming me is anger. Rage. But something else as well.
Why would I demand that she be at home so I can come straight to her apartment when I return from Las Vegas?
It’s unlike me, and if I’m ready to have a relationship with someone, shouldn’t it be with Keira? Someone I’ve known for five years?
Why would it be with someone I barely know—someone I just met? Hell, I don’t even know what her favorite color is.